I agree that as much as I hate when W receives validation and support from her 'friends', it gets a bit annoying when my own friends and family become overly vocal regarding W's insanity and what they feel I should do.
However, I do agree that anyone impacted by this needs to be allowed to have their own opinion. I would recommend that you speak to your parents, let them know that you appreciate their anger and disappointment, but also let them know what you are trying to do. You don't want to allow resentment to build for those that love and support you.
Of course if you come right out and tell them that your H will make visiting with your D difficult, that could further fan the flames.
OR... if they begin a discussion regarding how things are going and push for you to do one thing or another, you can simply tell them that you are not interested in discussing the situation. Not that you don't want to discuss it WITH THEM, just that you don't want to discuss it in general. I have had to use this a few times with friends and family.
My opinion.
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Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
OK Olive, sit down for "Thursday's Reality Corner". I am putting on my Mr Rogers sweater and slippers so I can be warm and fuzzy.
Reality 1-Your H's relationship with your parents is circling the drain. If he is going to impact your parents seeing your daughter, he will. You or your parents have no control over that.
Reality 2-Once you are divorced, if he doesn't want to allow your daughter to see your parents on his days, he doesn't have to.
Reality 3-By protecting your husband, you are perpetuating his fantasy world. Telling people that you care about is hard and I found it a bit emasculating, but you know the old saying, "the truth shall set you free"
Reality 4-If you tell your parents about the A, it will not make it worse for you. It will make it worse for him and your fear of his reaction is what makes you think it will be worse for you. There reaction to the A is inevidable. Quit worrying about his reactions. Tell the truth and be honest.
Reality 5- Your parents aren't being inflexible with you. They are rallying around you and don't care to associate with someone who is hurting their daughter. Can you really blame them?
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Your parents are probably still a bit shocked at the news. As always, parents will do anything to protect their kids (no matter their age!). My mom was a bit standoffish to my H when his A was first revealed.
I think if you continue to have the 'nice' attitude toward him that they will, too ... I hope. But if they love their grandchild as much as any grandparents do, they'll do what is best for her. Your H will have to expect cold shoulders from them for awhile. They'll also have to realize that if you do D, he'll still be a part of the family because of your daughter. He's her father...
On another note, sounds like your H is still on the fence a bit...
They'll also have to realize that if you do D, he'll still be a part of the family because of your daughter. He's her father...
Exactly my point! I just talked to my Mom again and it seems like she has calmed down a bit. She was all business but, oh well.. They are going to have to interact w/H for about 10 minutes a week. Deal with it!
Originally Posted By: JoieDeVivre
On another note, sounds like your H is still on the fence a bit...
I actually don't think he is on the fence at all. He is going D me and live with ow. He is just trying to keep me "hooked" in case he changes his mind in the far distant future. That doesn't work for me, though....
I think because the parents just heard about the news, it takes some time for them to get through the initial reaction. Just like when we got the bomb. Plus, you are the daughter which I am sure have a special place in your parents heart. I did not tell my parents because I am so worried about my dad's health and my mom's reaction if she knows. Even if we reconcile, she will for sure be complaining about him forever. Right now they think my H is always the great SIL. The only relatives who know are my MIL (who was visiting us when I found out so I cannot hide it from her, but she does not know the details) and one of H's sister. Both are supportive of me. H's sister who knows that H is still contacting OW said she is sad that H is hurting me so much. She is actually surprised why I moved with him given the situation. This is the difference between those of us who went through this and those who have a lovely family. Before A, most will think if there is an A, it's over. Now we think otherwise.
Your H just can't live without you. He thinks since he loves OW, and he will love you as DD's mom or a great friend. Perfect scenario. Does not work that way....
A guy just walked into my office and started venting about a bunch of stuff happening at work today.. He was obviously frustrated and I just listened, asked questions, and let him vent. At one point, he just stopped, looked at me and said, "Wow.. You're not just beautiful but smart, too"...hahahahahahaha!!!!
Do you ever wonder why other men you barely know will tell you this while your H won't even look at you??
A guy just walked into my office and started venting about a bunch of stuff happening at work today.. He was obviously frustrated and I just listened, asked questions, and let him vent. At one point, he just stopped, looked at me and said, "Wow.. You're not just beautiful but smart, too"...hahahahahahaha!!!!
Do you ever wonder why other men you barely know will tell you this while your H won't even look at you??
Obviously, this man appreciates the finer things in life, and your husband is very ignorant and blind!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
