Fred, Thanks for your suggestion. I think it's a good one and I'll probably at least give the direct approach a try. However I should probably wait until my wife has had some time to digest everything that I've hit her with in the last couple of days. By the way, I wanted to thank you for some of the things you stated in jen381's thread. You stated so eloquently several things that I've been thinking but haven't managed to put into words. Specifically:
Quote: "My W has thought that once or twice a month was plenty. For me, I'd rather have zero sex than only just once or twice a month. Once or twice a month is only often enough to remind me how good life COULD be. It's like a tease of the good life. If it just never happened at all I'd just accept that it wasn't going to happen and never get my hopes up. Having sex once a month means 29 other nights of hope then rejection."
Quote: "About half an hour after sex I get in the worst mood possible because I start wondering how long I'll have to go without sex again. I just used up my monthly quota. I also get really confused - since the W seemed to really enjoy it why does she only want it once a month?"
Quote: "Without sex I do not feel loved. I can hear a million times "I love you"; or get my favorite meal, or come home to an immaculate house and it means very little when I am sex starved. There is a physical urge that makes me want sex just about every day. I'm not saying I have to have it every day to feel loved. But the physical desire is there every day. More than a few days without sex makes me very irritable. Taking care of my own needs helps reduce the feelings of hurt temporarily and at least takes my mind off of it for a few hours or maybe the rest of the night. But that is only a temporary relief and the feelings of rejection and ultimately anger and resentment return. The longer its been, or the longer I think its going to be until next time, the stronger my hurt feelings."
Quote: "...getting reminded by my W that we had sex "just last week". The feelings I get when I hear that from her are, "So I felt like you loved me one day last week. What about the other six days? What about this week?""
Those statements describe exactly how I feel at times - thank you for putting them into words. Also, MPT's post in that same thread is excellent. I'm so tempted to ask my wife to read it - should I do so or would it be better to leave her alone for the time being? And while I'm in the process of using posts written by others to express how I feel, the following quote from Corri in her post titled "Diving In" is exactly why I miss having a passionate sexual relationship with my wife. Sure I can make her feel good by doing more things for her and supporting her emotionally, but neither of those will make her feel like this:
Quote: "We had the most incredible conversation last night, then topped it off with very nice S...and the smile...the depth of the smile on his face, shining from his eyes...I thought to myself..."I did that...look at that...look at what I was able to make another being...one of the most important beings in my life...feel." Overwhelming."
The way that Corri made her husband feel is exactly the way that I wish I could affect my wife by making love to her. If I could make her feel like that, it seems like all of her other problems and concerns would become so insignificant.
