I was feeling quite alone and sad in a way just wondering if we could ever get going with the rest of our lives so to speak. What I mean is that it seems that we cannot talk about the A and even events and problems in our M that might have contributed to my W straying were off limits because they would eventually lead to the A, the OM and all the lies and stuff. I also think that it seemed as if the fog was still very heavy at times in my W's world.
So last night I just asked about her councelling session the other day, she never talks much or anything about it, even if I ask. She brought up an old point about a matter related to my family and we almost got back into our routine combatative argument, but we were able to snap out of it.
One thing led to another and we also discussed perhaps going back to couples councelling, she said she felt that I was not listening or doing what the councellor said and I told her that it was perhaps because I had no idea at the time how warped and distant her mind and heart had become, and the councellor was just saying that she is in a different place and I have to give her space. At that time I just wanted to hug her and say I love You, but instead I had to detach. I was not ready for it, and looking back now I can see why things continued to spiral downwards.
Anyhow, I could go on and on, but we agreed to have a scheduled time to talk, to write down our wishes and wants, and obviously try not blame and dwell too much in the past but move forward instead. It will not be easy, but I will try.
All in all a good moment, probably in my mind one of the best since the Bomb in late July,
So what it means is to have patience and hope beyond belief. I was actually feeling a little down and weak yesterday before all this.
