Question about OW

[mymonkeybug]

Well what I now know is that healing yourself and allowing your partner to know you are aware of your part in the disintegration of the marriage is important. While yes, they are the ones that walked out, that was the only way they knew how to end the hurt and sorrow or the pain and anger. It was their attempt, a desperate one at that, to show us that we hadn't been paying attention long enough. We I believe as mother's we get so consumed with providing for our children and the household by making sure there are groceries and the bills get paid and the soccer games are gone to and the other million things that we forget about the needs of this little child trapped inside all of our grown male husbands that feels neglected and doesn't know how to express that. And while he has tried to express it in his own way we scoff at him and tell him things are fine and continue on the same path we were on not realizing that he is slowly drifting away until the shocking day comes when he says he's done and walks out. Well that is the only way they know how to get their point accross to us and DAMN does it work. Unfortunately by then we as the wives left behind have to develop the patience of Joab and make changes in our lives so that this husband we have sees that the grass isn't greener away and that we are exactly who he needs us to be because we have taken time to find inner peace and make even small changes to how we interact with him and address his concerns. While we are all angry and yes, we have accused of affairs whether there is proof or not and do have to accept that there is when we know there is one, and we want to yell and scream and be nasty and probably have. I believe if we can get to a point fairly early in the departure of the mate to vow to ourselves to stop the hatred and anger we spew at him and treat him with UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and respect and let him know we forgive then we have made a HUGE stride in rebuilding the bridge we picked away at in those first few days or weeks when all we did was call him nasty names and tell him we hate him and how dare you do this to our kids and all the other guilt ridden words we throw at them trying to make them realize what asses they were for running and how cowardly we see them as for doing it. When we do those things all we are doing is solidifying in his mind that being away was the right decision and wow am I glad to be rid of that bitch why didn't I do it sooner.

Good books I have gotten and read in the last week are:

Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy both by Michele
Men In Midlife Crisis and When a Mate Wants Out both by Jim Conway

All 4 books, especially in my opinion the 2 by Jim Conway give great insight as to why our husbands do these things and what we can do to break the cycle in us that helped lead them to this depserate act of running away thinking that would heal the wounds and solve the problems.