Last night I spent about an hour writing you a post and I had just finished proof reading and my computer froze up. I lost everything
So I have 10 min. and I will try to sum up what I rambled on about last night.
My H pretty much just gave up on me about 2 years ago. No more initiating. He just started leaving me alone. I don't think he had a master plan. I think after 9 years of rejections he was just tired of the fight.
That gave me some releif. And took some pressure off. But along with leaving me alone sexually he has also left me alone emotionally. No more back rubs (which I used to get daily and I love), sharing of feelings, romance, touching, snuggling, effection, kindness, patience, etc. He went into the "I don't care mode." He told me he didn't think he was in love with me anymore. Ouch.
So It's been about 2 years of this. And I am just now starting to miss him. You see he was so overboard and in my face about it before that it has taken me this long to really miss a "relationship"
About 2 months ago I dawned on me that I missed him and all the lovely things he used to do for me. I missed his smile. I missed our connection. And the passion. I thought: we are to young to be living like this. Everyday was passing us by in monotone, bland, stale sameness.
So I started working on it. Planning weekend trips. Making dates with H so we could talk about our life, goals etc. I went to the book store to get a book on relationships and found SSM instead.
This was exactly what I needed. I can't beging to express to you how much it helped me to understand my H and myself. I cried through most of the book and was in shock that finally someone else understood our problem. So it has helped. We have a long way to go but for me SSM is a foundation on which to build. Like they say "the teacher will come when the student is ready".
So maybe your W just needs a break from you sexually and emotionally. Give her a chance to miss you a little. My H poured his time and energy into restoring old cars, his favorite past time. He spent a lot of time on the phone with his long distance guy friends.
Things are far from perfect with us. I wish he could have expressed to me his feelings the way I hear them in SSM and here so I could have been more understanding. But I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I am determined now to give my H what he needs to feel loved. I am beginning understand that to truely give means giving the other person what they want, not what you want.
