And the weird part is I tried to convince myself that the SL wasn't important either for a while. Telling myself he was so great in other ways and I was such a match for him, blah blah. We were best friends and that would be enough. It was all BS. Because the ship was slowly sinking. And the love was fading away. I knew we couldn't regain the love without the sex. And by some miracle, he figured that out too.
LFL, thank you for putting into words what I've been thinking about my own sitch. Something to think about when I finally get us into counseling.
Me: 52 Her: 48 2D 26 & 16 M: 25 years (together 30) EA/discovered by accident Valentines day 2016 Admitted SOME physical but no IC. We know that's a lie. Status - tryin to R
How about you? Have you ever said anything to your W like that?
Not in so many words. I know that it would be a bad thing for her to jump the fence, but I also know that if she did, I'd still want her. While not directly addressing the subject of where my boundaries aren't, I have mentioned the following points about where my boundaries are:
1. Don't push me away. Don't keep me in the dark. 2. I will be having sex regularly. Preferably with you. I'll be glad to forsake all others as long as it doesn't usually mean forsaking you as well. Otherwise, you're free to leave, or stay, or join in as you wish.
Originally Posted By: LustForLife
Yes! Something else that works with H and I (which I notice we've been doing all week) is when we annoy each other we make a sexual joke right afterwards..like...today we were taking down the Christmas tree and I was being annoying and telling him how to put it away (we broke down and got an artificial tree this year, but anyways) and I said "just ram it in the box". Before, that sexual innuendo would have gone unanswered. But he came right back with "oh, I'll ram something in a box in a second" and went about putting away the decorations quite satisfied with himself.
Interesting. When you were annoyed with him before, did he tend to get really quiet and start avoiding you or tiptoeing around you? If so, it's really a good sign that he was able to drop that, and it'll be a bad sign if he starts doing that again.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
LFL, thank you for putting into words what I've been thinking about my own sitch. Something to think about when I finally get us into counseling.
Glad I could help Storm. I guess one of the key factors in getting this ball rolling was finally realizing in MYSELF that the "best friends" scenario was truly not going to work. I fought with that in my mind for a loooonnngggg time. I WON'T live in a M like that anymore. It's almost as if our spouses can sense when we are BS-ing. So know yourself first I guess.
I know that it would be a bad thing for her to jump the fence, but I also know that if she did, I'd still want her. While not directly addressing the subject of where my boundaries aren't, I have mentioned the following points about where my boundaries are:
1. Don't push me away. Don't keep me in the dark. 2. I will be having sex regularly. Preferably with you. I'll be glad to forsake all others as long as it doesn't usually mean forsaking you as well. Otherwise, you're free to leave, or stay, or join in as you wish.
I think that is sort of our thinking too. The boundaries are/were a little muddled, but for some reason we can work with that and actually thrive it seems. So I'm not going to argue what works. As for wanting your W back if she jumped the fence, I think lots of guys feel that way but some men will never admit it. Jabs at the male ego I guess. And that's fine. But I don't want a man that is all about his ego anyways. I want a man who will love me and who I can love. It's as simple as that. If for some reason the sex with H starts to downslide, I will keep your second point in mind. I just want to be able to speak to him honestly and NOT feel the urge to go outside the M. Because I know myself too well. I could easily fall in love with that person and I think that is where H might say "game over." Who could blame him. The goal : loving each other, would be shot to he!! at that point. But that brings up another interesting point about R's. Can you truly be in love with two people at one time? Is that possible? Just thinking and writing again. I'd have a hard time doing that. I have heard people say that has happened to them. hmmm
Ok, off off to the gym. I'm really going today. lol
A question for you, and maybe you can address it on Mojo's thread... the Puppy one. You said:
Quote:
I want a man who will love me and who I can love. It's as simple as that.... I just want to be able to speak to him honestly and NOT feel the urge to go outside the M. Because I know myself too well. I could easily fall in love with that person and I think that is where H might say "game over." Who could blame him. The goal : loving each other, would be shot to he!! at that point.
Now. You and I often do not agree on the details, but typically it seems we can find our way to the same point. (Which means you and I should NEVER take a Road Trip together, we can just meet wherever it is we decide to go, if we can decide that... LOL )
Based on what you've said up there... I'd see that as basic male honor and woman loyalty. Does that, for you... mesh in any way with my latest grand theory I spoke of on Mojo's thread? Just curious.
I WON'T live in a M like that anymore. It's almost as if our spouses can sense when we are BS-ing. So know yourself first I guess.
They certainly do and knowing yourself is the most important part. I sometimes wonder if we get so mad and frustrated because we are mad and frustrated with ourselves for not having the conviction to sh!t or get off the pot.
If for some reason the sex with H starts to downslide, I will keep your second point in mind.
Keep it in mind all the time LFL - don't wait for things to go bad again. It is only by having that conviction to the front of your mind all the time and no BS that H will continue to keep it up (so to speak!)
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Thanks Hap. Things are still cruising along even better than I had hoped. And I'm being good. If he isn't making an intimate move on me (whether horny sexual or just playful sexual) than I am making it on him. We are certainly having fun. Life is good.
And I'm being good. If he isn't making an intimate move on me (whether horny sexual or just playful sexual) than I am making it on him. We are certainly having fun.
LFL,
I'm so happy for you. We had reached that point of everything just being playful and fun....what a thrill, good for you....enjoy it
