I completely agree with MPT. Letters or e-mail are the way to go. Carefully worded, they can be quite revealing, yet non-combative.

As my wife an I continue our progress, e-mail has become the preferred method of communication regard the 'issue'. You can write what you think, setup exceptions, and detail the reasoning behind your thoughts. That is difficult for most people to do face to face. Interruptions, kids, etc., all tend to screw up your speech, and that can totally skew the the intended result.

Do speak(write) in kindness. Don't make ultimatums. Don't forget the purpose of rectifying the situation is to correct your *relationship*, albeit the sexual side.

In my situation, I have had to address some issues -caused by me- that directly contributed to the problem. At times, that has certainly been difficult. The outcome is well worth whatever you have to go through to get there.

This morning, after four days of working through my last failing (another "mad on" - see my thread), and a totally unjustified one at that, I awoke to a very damp, freshly showered naked wife cuddled up to me. Let's suffice it to say that I still can't get the stupid grin off my face :-)

Hang in there. Be willing to do your part. Have patience. You may find that she has some serious hurts in the mix as well. One thing is for certain, you will both make mistakes as you work through the issue, even as you try to get started.

Don't give up.

-NOPkins-

I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.

-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.
-An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.