Did you ever stick up for any of your guy friends that you played ball with? I'd say if so, your reason for jumping into the fray, and their reason for jumping into the fray, is probably different. "Friend Loyalty."
Corri, interesting. Certainly I have felt that loyalty, and am in fact quite apt to become *extremely* protective if anyone close to me is being abused. I never thought of it as maternal, although maybe it is. But I'm not convinced that it comes from a different place when it comes from a man. I've seen some pretty visceral displays of protectiveness from men, too, which I decline to believe are merely (on some level) displays of "That is MINE, so you can't mess with it!"
Originally Posted By: Burgbud
(Kett) Burgbud, you cannot respect women too much.
Oh, a guy can definitely respect women too much.
Just for one example, do you want your man to respect you every time you say, "Not tonight dear; I've got a headache"? I can assure you that several women on this very forum have said that it's quite attractive when a man pushes thru that resistance without getting pissy about it.
Ah, but actually, what you've just described there is a form of respect, by my definition. Respect that says, "I trust you to know your own limits and stick up for your own best interests and not break into a million little bitty china-shepherdess pieces if I keep pushing, so I'm gonna push a little." See anecdote below. (This assumes you mean "pushing through resistance" in a ... legal? way. Some serious seduction, some saucy tease. I *assume* you aren't referring to *actually* not taking a *serious* "no" for an answer. Which would be the deal-breaker to end all deal-breakers with me, right up there with physical violence. The epitome of disrespect. But I'm sure that's not what you meant.)
Originally Posted By: Burgbud
If I was with a man who caved up whenever his puppy might be making an appearance, I would feel like he didn't trust me to care well for his puppy, whereas I am perfectly competent with puppies.
I could be wrong, but I'm willing to bet that even if you feel like he doesn't trust you with his puppy, if his other animals are in order you're not going to care much. You may complain about it to your friends but it won't threaten your M at all. If anything it probably makes him more interesting and attractive.
Interesting premise, but nope. Hypothetically, I could probably f*ck such a man and be perfectly happy. But I want something a bit more egalitarian in a LTR. If I never see a puppy, one of two things: either he doesn't trust me with his puppy, which means he doesn't consider me trustworthy, which means he doesn't respect me as a kind and ethical person, which is respect I desire, deserve, and aim to earn from a life partner. It doesn't really matter if it's me personally or all women he doesn't trust with his puppy; the vibe is the same.
Alternatively, he isn't comfortable with even having a puppy and has attempted to evict it from the zoo. I don't believe this is practical; evicted animals just tend to hang around the other cages and beg for scraps, causing way more trouble than they would if they were properly cataloged and cared for. IMHO.
True intimacy (not fusion) resulting from the endless quest of learning to know oneself and one's partner need never get boring, because each other will always be Other (especially if both partners are continuing to grow and change), but that all gets derailed if either partner is unwilling to know or be known, needy animals and all. I want that *and* all the rampant sex; grin.
Interesting experience and conversation last night and this morning. Out of nowhere, I was woken up to have my brains "wolfed" out last night. He was saying this morning how hot and all it was (I was pretty much reduced to giggling in response, it was that good). He mentioned that it was unlike him (true) and that he seemed to have somehow mislaid his usual inhibitions (over-nice tendencies to not want to "disturb my sleep" and/or "impose his animal lusts on me", etc, as if I don't try to impose mine on him *all* the time ....) I said how delighted I was by that, and that I was perfectly capable of saying "no" if I had really wanted to. He replied something along the lines of "I know. It makes a lot easier for me, now that you're no longer operating out of guilt." As if he had to censor himself somehow, become more St. Bernard and less wolf to "protect" me from unwanted sex, because I apparently couldn't be trusted to do it myself. That kind of hit me between the eyes. 'Cause I can't say he's wrong. Over the last couple years, and especially since I got Schnarched, I have gotten a lot more confident and tend to do things for better reasons, as opposed to "he/she/they might think badly of me if I don't go along/make waves/be flawed/what have you all". And less perfectionisty overall. But I didn't realize until he said that what a weak-assed cow I must have been manifesting .... weak bunny, too. Live and learn ... at least it's getting me laid!
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
