O Captain, my Captain. You have been the rock, the strength for many of us here.
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Other men are calling me and beating me up on the phone to pick myself up and the one ray of hope that I can actually 'believe' about my W is what Amy said: "I get the impression your wife COULD go either way, but her HEART is with her family." because I know that's mostly true.
Ok...I was one of those guys who called you. But I am offering to help. Ask. Want a few wake up calls? Ask. Want an accountability partner? Ask. Want someone's shoulder to cry on? Ask. Want someone to to micro-manage your next week so you can see your way through to sanity? Ask. Want help with your resume? Ask. Want some references? Ask. Want me to network on your behalf? Ask. Need someone to fly to California and give you a hug. Ask. Need someone to call you and make fun of your wife's air-headed self-actualization speeches? Ask.
No man is an island, Frank.
You have us. You have me.
So the ONE ray of hope you have is your wife COULD go either way?
Listen to yourself. You are doing what you told me not to do: need my wife to be happy.
What I hear is that your OUTRAGED that your wife can't/won't save you after you saved her.
OK. So maybe she can't save you right now. Maybe she doesn't want to. Maybe she'll never want to. Maybe she will. Maybe you'll want her around, maybe you won't. You can't really work on this right now. You'll make that determination after you get through this crisis. Dwelling on it now is useless.
What I hear is you are AFRAID she'll leave.
I don't even need to go there with you. You have told me countless times: fear of losing her crushes you and gives away all your power to her.
What I hear is PARALYSIS because you don't think you can save yourself while she bombards you with her airy-fairy surreal "I need to find my spiritual companion" speeches.
Yeah. I hear you. That sucks. It doesn't help you to focus on you. But you can't stop her from walking around like a new-age, narcissist right now. Find some way to block this out. The more it bothers you, the more it hampers you from healing. The more it bothers you, the more you feed it and give it power.
I'm preaching to the choir. You are too angrily focused on what your wife is not doing for you; likewise you are too fearfully preoccupied with what she might do in the future.
I don't think her flight of fancy is as dark as you think it might be. So what if it is? ALL YOU CAN DO NOW IS FOCUS ON YOU.
ALL YOU CAN DO IS FOCUS ON YOU.
Now that we are clear on that...please write to us on how we can help you, dear friend.
