Recently Married into a sexless marriage

[Burgbud]

nwlywed, you are very fused. You need to figure out who you are and accept that. Then figure out who you want to be and strive to become that. After that, it doesn't matter so much what other people think about you or say about you...even a spouse.

Reading your list, what leaps out at me is that you're expecting her to enforce your boundaries. It just doesn't work that way. Other people treat us however they want. All we get to do is define what treatment we'll tolerate and what treatment we won't.

A first step might be to borrow one of blackfoot's lines...when she comes at you verbally in a manner you won't tolerate, just look at her and say, "I don't know who you are when you talk to me like that." Then leave it be. You're not getting angry, you're not trying to make a point, there's no particular reaction you're trying to get from her. You're just making a statement and going on about your life.