A couple questions: 1. What are you hoping to accomplish by sending this letter? 2. Have you already said these things to him before? 3. Is he pressuring you for an answer right now or can you wait until you've done your research?
ANSWERS: 1. H thinks I am making these decisions to 'get back at him' and not because it's what's in the best interest of the kids. I want him to know that MY ONLY concern is making the right decisions for them. 2. I did say them, but the conversation ended on a bad note and I want him to know that it isn't about ill feelings bw him and I, but about the kids. I also want him to know that I am still thinking about it and my opinions the other nite were based on not having given it the thought and research it deserves. 3. He isn't pressuring me necessarily...but there is an urgency to put a plan in place...even just a temporary one. Our D is starting to show signs of acting out and confusion. We need to address it with her and put something more consistent in place.
Having said all that...and thanks B, they were good points to think about. I did discuss this with him in person tonight. He came over and I left and went out. I left BOTH kids with him for a couple hours...he's lucky H slept the entire time! I went to the bookstore and bought "Good Parenting Through Your Divorce". After D was in bed, I basically just told him what I had written for the e-mail. The conversation started ok...but it went sour pretty quickly. H just doesn't want to see my side of it all. I even said that although I feel strongly about my opinion, I don't want to negate his feelings and I want to ensure we're both looking at all the proper factors. He got quite angry again, especially when we talked about the temporary schedule having D stay with him during the week. He will not listen to be on this and is very angry when I won't go with HIS way of thinking. Once again, as he does every time we discuss things...he just went and put his shoes on and started to leave in the middle of it. The conversation went back and forth and a couple times I had to stop him from opening the door and leaving. It's actually kind of comical to watch him trying to get out of it. He RAN from our marriage and you can literally seeing him running from the conflict when he's trying to leave like that. The conversation ended with us talking about his "decisions". I said that he made the decision to leave the marriage and accept less time with his kids, but he's not willing to give me much. He said I should be glad he's not going for 50/50 custody (just 60/40). I said, you decided to leave the marriage and accept less time, that was your choice. I had no choice and now I still get to lose my kids 40% of the time?? I said to him...do you think a year ago when I was praying to God to be pregnant it was so that I could spend 60% of my time with them?? He walked out the door. So it was probably a backslide...but I really don't care at this point.
I called him back about 1/2 hour later and just reiterated that it was not my intention to start a big argument and just reiterated that I am not trying to discount how he feels, just want to do what is best for the kids. He agreed, but was really cold on the phone. It's almost like he wants it to go bad for some reason. Almost like he doesn't want to take the olive branch I'm holding out, he just wants to shove his 'rights' down my throat.
This is so frustrating!!! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
