I agree FB, they make it too easy to walk away from a M. Its like with other people here the spouses treat it like its a high school R you can break up and date another person in school without any consequences, people just dont get what a M stands for anymore.
Me 35 W 26 S 3 D 10 months I have custody Bomb 11/9/07 W PA 10/07 ended 2/08 Removed W from house 11/16/07 I filed in Nov. D put on hold http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1268484&page=6&fpart=16
Agree DH, my W even said something like "people break up all the time, can't you just accept it?" As if we'd only been on 3 dates or something. It'd be nice if more people cared about marriage...it's not necessary to get married, so when you do it should mean something.
Anyway, Atlas, sorry about this, but it seems like a good thing as well. Sounds like you really have your head on straight as far as what you want in life, and if W isn't going to fit into that then maybe it's for the best. She also isn't exactly making the choice difficult with the way she's been acting (though I'm sure it must be at least a little hard).
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
I have also heard the "people break up all the time" line. Another one that is even harder to swallow is "you would be amazed how resilient kids are". Or the always famous "kids are used to it these days, 50% of their classmates come from broken homes". Unbelievable.....so why am I still hanging around? Hats off to you Atlas!
I was just reading your post and you have such an amazingly clear thought process behind this. You deserve to be happy, to have people in your life that love you and care about you.
It is funny because everyone has different boundries. Some will allow the affairs and some won't at all. Seems like you know exactly what you will and will not accept from a W. good for you.
A Question: If she, at this point, took serious steps (counseling, no more OM, no more partying etc...) would you be willing to work on it, or let her try to win you back? Just wondering if you've closed and locked the door completely. Something to think about.
I can't imagine anything else you could have done, this is on her. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now, but i know it can't be great. I'm sorry. Take care.
And really... those things will kill you... i agree with Heim
Quote:
put down the cigarrette and hop on a bike instead.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
A Question: If she, at this point, took serious steps (counseling, no more OM, no more partying etc...) would you be willing to work on it, or let her try to win you back? Just wondering if you've closed and locked the door completely. Something to think about.
And really... those things will kill you... i agree with Heim
Sometimes I think that (false) hope (or is it desire?) can kill us.
And as long as we have hope of any kind we aren't truly detatched. DBing walks a fine line between detatchment and real hope until we step over to one side or the other. I think Atlas you have wisely taken that step because you don't see much real hope. Ann your thread seems to have locked up.
Me-48, W-38 M14, D11, S7 W filed D 01/07 W had to move out 06/07 Current Thread
A Question: If she, at this point, took serious steps (counseling, no more OM, no more partying etc...) would you be willing to work on it, or let her try to win you back? Just wondering if you've closed and locked the door completely. Something to think about.
Sometimes I think that (false) hope (or is it desire?) can kill us.
I totally agree. Holding out for that would be a false hope and probably really not healthy, especially after how he confronted W. My question was more of a "hey, did you consider?" because if anything was going to get to this woman, this is probably it. I think she's been comfy with the fact that he's there when she wants him, but leaves her alone otherwise. But now, what happens when she wants him and he's not there. It may or may not be something that makes her reconsider her life.
Just like i can't be sure what it was in my H that made him all of the sudden say that he wanted to work on M and not get D. You never now what it's going to take. One day he wanted a D and the next he wanted M. Just wondering if Atlas had thought about how he'd respond if she started making extremely significant steps.
I agree that at this point, for him, he's made a great step. This was just a thought!
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
Its a great question and one deserved of a response, because it is unanswerable.
Your basically asking do I still love my W. Yes I do. But I'm not really sure were she has gone and what this imposter has done with her. But I'd have to see my W over such a sustained period, that I'm unwilling to wait.
At this point, if I drove up to the house tonight and she was sitting on the door step, I wouldn't stop, I'd keep going. Or I'd tell her to take a hike. Childish I know, but there comes a time when its about you, I don't have a family to give to anymore, I have a S and I, and that is who I live and give for.
I don't believe in the words ever and never. That is what this sight is about, didn't are spouses all takes vows forever or at least this life. I have just seen that I'm going through diffrent doors then W, and she wants to explore others that I care not for.
But like fb2 says, I don't have hope. The hope is gone, she has changed to much, last night she couldn't acknowledge anything she has done. In fact she tried to pin both of her A's on me, and I drew the line, I said I understand how I drove you away but don't disrepect me by saying I choose for you to have the sex, that was your choice. I was seriously pissed, but never raised my voice once. She is that a$$ backwards right now.
Hi atlas. I think you have definately made the right decision for you. You both are ovbiously at different points in your lives. you've chosen to grow up and be a responsible father and H. She has decided that she's not done having her fun.
I know that there are plenty of wonderful women out there that would sincerely appreciate the kind of man you've become when the time is right for you. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.
sounds like you handled yourself really well. I certainly don't think many would have been able to control themselve like you did. I can't believe she tried to blame you for the As (well, i can, but you know). That is ... really rediculous.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
Well today was pretty tough, my Attorney, also a good friend and who knows what I'm doing, plus he has seen what his own D has done, tried to talk me out of it. After a good long talk, I think he could sense my frustration with the situation. So we wrote up the settelment agreement. It was more then fair. Basically followed the temp order, but I am now offering to split the child tax credit and exemption every other year. He didn't think I should since we have such a good stance, but I felt like I didn't want to be a jerk about things.
The hard part for W will be the cover letter. Basically, it stated, that since she has not appointed new council we sent it to her. That she should retain council for a review. Don't want this thing ripped open again in 6 months. Also said that if she didn't agree to sign we would be scheduling the mandatory mediation as soon as possible and move forward with the case.
So she should get it by Friday, I'm sure when I pick up S she will be pissed, but I'm not going to listen to it. It was really hard to deal with, walked by the out mail all day looking at the envelope wondering if I'm doing the right thing. Thought I would have time to dwell on it when I went into my last meeting, but it ran over and when I had gotten out the secretary was gone, as was the mail. So off it goes.
Ya know I have dwelt on that hope question a lot lately, and have a good example on it. One of my best friends growing up came up with a good business idea and asked me to join. Well after a huge blow out after I found out he was using our capital for his own personal expenses, I was done with him. Disolved the partnership and moved on with life. Well apparently it made an impression, a few years later I ran into him at a mutual friends house, and he asked to talk to me. Said it was a big turning point in his life, really helped him see what type of person he was and he didn't like it. We are really good friends again, would I ever open an account with him again, no. But taught him and I both some things. So there is always hope to repair R's, no matter what has happened or where they go. Only God knows.
