I bought myself flowers today as a little PMA. I put them in a beautiful crystal vase that H gave me for our anniversary years ago. I also got a dozen roses from him. Hmm, that must have been when he was just pretending to be happy even though I was making him miserable. (Can you tell I'm in a bitter mood today?!) I don't know if he has bought me flowers since and as I said that was years ago. I don't expcect roses, but he used to get me nice mixed bouqets all the time when we were dating. I guess I'll have to start buying myself flowers once a week to remind myself that I deserve to be happy and loved.
Bitter??? Did somebody say bitter? I am the king of bitter. Good for you for buying yourself flowers. And as far as your bitter statement is concerned, I hear you. I could give you a ton of examples of things my WAW did during the time she was supposedly not happy with our marriage....but I will not. Instead, I will go scream in my pillow.
I had asked H a couple of days ago if he wanted time w/ the Ds this weekend since D10 and I will be going out of town next weekend. H agreed and I thought he said he would be over after lunch today. He showed up right around 12:30. Told him D10 had eaten and there was stuff in the freezer that D15 and him could have or they could do something else.
I believe H asked where I was going but I didn't respond. I figured I don't need to tell him what I do w/ my time as he doesn't tell me how he spends his and I don't ask. Not like I had any hot plans anyway, but what the heck, let him just think about it.
So my big afternoon out started at Walmart. Actually it is nice to be able to go and take my time and look around at whatever. Then I decided to treat myself to a quiet lunch at Panera. YUM. Read a little of the Love Languages book. (I ran into a family there that we know. Mentioned later to D15 that I ran into them and she asked where. I just said Panera and left it at that. I'm sure that probably got H thinking because that isn't somewhere I normally go alone. It is more of a treat spot.) From there I went to borders to get a book for my book club. Then I stopped in a couple of other stores but didn't buy anything.
D10 came running to the door to great me when I got home. That felt really good. I also thought about how she used to do that everyday when H came home from work. Actually we used to all race to get the first hug. No one runs for one anymore. How sad. I would love to run for a hug, but H still doesn't want to open up to that.
We went to late afternoon Mass. D10 asked to go to dinner and H agreed. He didn't really seem into it but I guess he had an ok time. When H went to leave I mentioned how good he looked in his jeans and that they showed his best features. I said something like you probably hear that all the time. He said he never does and I jokingly said you must not be hanging out w/ the right people. Then I made a move and grabbed his butt and other goods. H started getting excited and we ended up going upstairs. Now according to Bill Clinton we did not have relations. But H left very happy. They bad part is still no hug, kiss or ILY. At this point I don't really care. I don't feel used this time and I'm happy that I made him happy. I hope that counts as DBing. Oh, and H even said thank you and told me I'm good at what I did. I said ya, imagine what it would be like if I had more practice.
I'm pretty sure H was freaked out after what happened last night. He had said yesterday that he probably wouldn't be around much today and that was before our encounter. I had D15 call to see if he was going to be stopping by as we were going to look at cell phones. (We are due for new ones and H's is really messed up. Thought he would be dying to get a new one as he can't text the EAs very well.) H didn't answer her call and called back sometime after noon. H said he didn't want to go look at phones and he was going shopping for clothes.
Didn't hear from him the rest of the day until he showed up around 5. Stuck around for our pizza dinner and even went to pick up the pizza. That is normally my job. After he got back he spent a lot of time online and interacted a little w/ us. Then he called a mutual friend. Ended up spending a few hours here.
H made no mention of last night. I did make one joke about it and he smiled and thanked me again. I guess I'll just wait and see how the week plays out.
Back to work for me tomorrow I will probably need another two week vacation by this time tomorrow.
Then I made a move and grabbed his butt and other goods. H started getting excited and we ended up going upstairs. Now according to Bill Clinton we did not have relations.
Last time I grabbed my W like that she freaked out, although she didn't get mad and didn't push me away.
Going to be a LONG time before anything like that happens (if ever) over here.
Not a much to report today. I had to tell H lastnight that I lost my gas cap. The gas door fell off my car in Aug. when Ds and I were coming back from a mini vacation. We didn't get it fixed at the time because of the ridiculus charge the dealer quoted. H said he would get other prices but 5 months later no door. Well he went to the dealer today and got the cap and a new wiper for my rear window. H told me tonight he will get the parts for the gas door and fix it himself. I hope he does, because I am tired of the trashy look.
H stopped by for about 1 1/2 hours. We had already eaten but I made extra in case he wanted some. H did eat while he was here. Spent some time on the computer but didn't have much to say. He was pretty quiet and looked really tired when he left.
Tomorrow is supposed to be his night w/ Ds but he didn't say anything. I'll have to see what he says tomorrow.
I didn't remind H today about it being his day and meeting us at the rink. I waited at the rink and sent a text after being there over half an hour. H called and said he forgot and would not be able to be there in time. I told him it was ok and I would take her home. I then hung up as I wasn't thrilled because we have been doing this for 3 months now and I give a calendar of events at the beginning of the month. Funny how you start to depend on your alone time when going through this. H called as we turned on our street and said he just got home. I dropped off D and left without going in the house.
I called D15 for some reason, I forget what and she said they were getting Wendy's. D15 had asked early what was for dinner I told her something they could make or they could do what H wanted. I'm sure D10 was happy about the fastfood as she asked for it on the way home from the rink. I told her it was up to H. Well about 15 min. later while I'm talking to a friend H calls. H was looking for honey mustard. Yikes, talked about learned helplessness. I just thought that was an odd call and wondered if it was just so he could hear my voice. H rarely calls me for no reason and I find it odd that he would call about something so minor. H did apologize for "disturbing" me.
H set up service for my car tomorrow and I see he ordered parts to repair my fuel door. Wonder the motive for all of that.
Kind of a mello day. H and I dropped off my car for service. We forgot D10 had band today and H had to go back home for her instrument. H wasn't too happy as he had a morning meeting to prepare for. I apologized sincerely and he seemed to get over it. I did him a favor in the afternoon and picked up his meds. It is actually something H hasn't let me do much lately so it felt good being able to that. D15 and I got our new phones today. H called several times after leaving this afternoon to see if we were getting them and if we got them. Sent him a text when they were up and going. Texted back and forth a little which again was more than usual.
Kind of a mello day. H and I dropped off my car for service. We forgot D10 had band today and H had to go back home for her instrument. H wasn't too happy as he had a morning meeting to prepare for. I apologized sincerely and he seemed to get over it.
Sounds like your H is starting to become a little more integrated into day to day family stuff - He'll get over the whole band thing pretty quick, I would imagine. From what you say, he never appears particularly angry or frustrated - mostly just totally apathetic towards everything.
You should have him check the snowblower for the storm coming in this weekend - He might appreciate you making him feel like 'the man' for stuff like that. Or you could just do it on your own and see what he does
You are right Brit, H didn't even mention the band thing last night. Today he came home and fixed the gas door on my car that has been broken since August. I thanked him for it and told him how much it meant to me. It meant a lot and I wanted to make sure he knew that. I know I have taken him for granted too much in the past.
I'm not worried about the snowblower. I get to drive D to MI tomorrow for a skating competition. I am hoping to make it there and back w/out much snow. H will be staying at the house w/ D15.
I should be in bed now as I'm so tired. I saw my C today so my head is spinning. It seems like so many little positives have happened lately, but I don't know what any of it means. Thought I would make it through the session w/out tears but no luck. I really have a lot to think about and a lot to work on for me.
I will probably need another two week vacation by this time tomorrow.
