She said she was having a hard day the other day so I stopped on the way home and picked up some pink tulips, one of her favorites. I barely got a thank you. Ive bought cards, and written romantic poetry inside.. Im trying to do the 180 and stop being so nice so maybe shell miss the way I used to be. Am I just missing the point again?
I think the point of NMMNG is to do those things because you love her, you're sorry she had a bad day and want to give her a pick-me-up, etc. The minute you "expect" her to respond in a certain way, you're sinking into the Great Swamp of Resentment. I'm not saying she *shouldn't* be thankful, grateful, etc. Just that you have no control over that. If you're doing the nice stuff to get the gratitude, that's manipulative. Stop.
If you suddenly have the desire to do something extra nice for her (massage, flowers, whatever), do it. OTOH, if you don't feel it authentically, but feel that she expects you to or that you have to so she keeps "liking you" or will have sex with you or whatever .... then don't do it. Ditto if you're only doing it so you won't "feel like a bad person". I don't know if you're religious at all, but to paraphrase I-don't-remember-what-scripture: Give willingly, not grudgingly or under compulsion.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
