Recently Married into a sexless marriage

[ann25]

The "I will GLADLY do those things when WE get back on track" Is because I feel frustrated because I do those things yet it doesnt make a difference.

IMO - welcome to the world of wanting to make your M work when the other person doesn't seem to care. You are the one here trying to work on this. She's sitting home on the couch. I'm not saying she doesn't want it to work, but you are the one actively doing something, so sometimes you just get to do things you don't necessarily think are fair. Life's not fair. How much are you willing to do to revive your M?

I think it would be interesting to see your W's list of expectations as compared to yours. I was reading through and had a whole list of complaints about your 1st list, but this one seems alot better. I wouldn't give it to her and personall think you can sum the whole thing up with this portion
I do NOT expect you to be my maid, my chef, my laundry service, or my sexual recepticle. I DO expect to have a fair, balanced, loving, emotionally bonding, giving, generous relationship with you and I am willing to work together to achieve it.

I've seen in a lot of places here where you've said that you know you have a lot to work on or that you have no problem focusing on the factors that YOU contributed to this R, but i haven't seen you make a list of those. I haven't seen you say anything about how you are changing you. Maybe I just missed it, i don't know...

Your W definately needs to make some changes, don't get me wrong, but you cannot control her willingness to do so. Work on the things you can control. I think hap said something about this earlier, but pick the things that would be deal breakers. We all want a lot of things, but there are certain things in our R that would be considered unacceptable. If you must give her a list of some sort, pick the most important things, not every little thing you want.

Honestly, if i got any sort of list like that from H (and wasn't the one here trying), i would come right back with "oh really, well.... i want you to _____ FIB and ______ FIB. etc, etc, etc..."

I think you both need to take a look at your drinking. It sounds like you have a problem. I could be off, but JMO. Do you need to drink to enjoy yourself? is it contributing anything good to the R? Don't try and set and example for her (as hairdog said), just try live a good life for you. Again, that's something you can control.