In Support of Strong Puppy

[MJontheMend]

I agree that there was nothing you could have done "right" because your X wasn't doing his half of the dance but consider the following:

My bunny could bring out his wolf toward ME IF he felt uneasy with the bunny. Meaning that if he did something and I felt sad, insecure, etc., his reaction would be anger and deflection away from my bunny. Like if I told him "I feel unimportant to you when you ignore me and talk and flirt with other women at a party," that would bring out an attack on how insecure I was and how that was my problem to deal with. OTOH if my bunny came out for let's say sadness over my mom's illness or fear of heights while backpacking along an advanced trail in the Grand Canyon, he could handle that and his (stallion?) could come out and take care of me. I guess what was hard is that I didn't want to have to hide my bunny from him. I wanted to be able to trust that he would care for me. So while I didn't develop a habit of hiding my bunny, I have found I have very low expectations of how the bunny will be treated and am constantly amazed when Raven doesn't get mad at the bunny!!

What if when you were at that party where you felt like your X was ignoring you, you has acted "as if" you knew you were the most important thing in his world? I think that if you had been in a relationship in which you really believed that you could have observed your X across the room engaged in some fun social flirtation and just exchanged a momentary smile with him that would have touched base and signaled "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. We'll have even more fun later when we're home alone together." or something similar. You were being weak bunny when you asked for verbal reassurance of your importance to him. Not a big deal in a healthy relationship like you have with Raven. Your X was able to handle sad bunny appropriately when it didn't seem like you were accusing him of causing the pain. My 2bx thought it was psycho when I would ask him for a hug after he did something to hurt my feelings. Kind of it was. Like telling somebody that they are a bully and then asking them for a bandage. Let's assume that your X was engaged in thoughtless or purposefully pain-inducing behavior when he flirted with other women at the party, wouldn't it have shaken his foundations a bit if you had smiled at him across the room as if you were absolutely confident of his love and attention? I mean he would have had to at least think "What's she so happy about? I'm over here flirting with other women. WTF ? " Also, it would have been impossible for those other women not to pick up on that vibe. I'm not suggesting any sort of fakery here. You knew that you were a woman who deserved consideration and care so you could have projected that in a positive manner. If he then stumbled with his step in the dance, he would look like an *ss even to himself.