Only you can save yourself, only you can control yourself. It is hubris to think otherwise. If I can save other people why can’t they save me? BS. You help others, and in many cases that help might be VERY timely.
This is a common theme today. I was mistaken to think I could 'relax' and kind of let someone else steer for a while - someone who wasn't a leader. What I should have done was just taken a break, learned to feel safe again and worked on the rest of my issues. Yes, I did DB and I did work on many of my issues but not all, and not to completion.
That was my mistake.
Quote:
You are one of the heroes on this board, that is without a doubt a fact. To many people you are wise, helpful and insightful. When I see that you have posted to someone in trouble, I know that they are taken care of, I tend not to even check on them. Because of that it is harder to reach out for help, like we are letting people down, when our life is going to hell in a hand basket with an ablative bottom, how can we help others without sounding like hypocrites? Experience.
Yeah, that has been a big problem for me. asking for help when you're a 'hero' is forbidden in my book. Time to change I guess.
Originally Posted By: Lissie
I have no idea wassup with piecing, I am all about the detaching.
I am all about saving your self. ... What is going on with you? What is going on with you, that you have left your self go by the waste side?
What is going on with Frank, that he is searching for some strength, but at least I know you will never lose your honor.
Not many can say that. ... I know that you man up when needed.
It may be needed, but for you this time.
if we have learned anything at all here, is that we can't control anyone except our selves.
Yes, I know this all too well.
Quote:
But I have faith in you. You have been here long enough, to know that this too shall pass.
It is not like the first time she left, when you were clueless, and maybe had to much to drink.
You have knowledge, and knowledge is power.
I guess 'faith' is needed more than anything. Once upon a time I used to believe that I could do anything. I lost that somewhere.
Originally Posted By: saffie
You sound such a giving, articulate, guy who gets a real big 'kick'/ 'buzz'/'drive' from helping others which is great but you have gone and run out of juice. You ran out of juice and then kept running on empty. You need to see to you and THEN your W might be able to relax and stop checking out her options IF when you have saved yourself YOU still want to be with her. If you choose to live your life with a partner that needs to be 'protected' then you have got to be strong enough to give that protection, which means you have got to be strong; not pretend to be but actually be that strong person.
Frank, what do you want?
I want to be happy again instead of barely surviving life.
I didn't 'fake' the changes, at the time they were real. But there were a lot of things going on that wore me out at the time, and during 'piecing' I still needed to put a lot into the relationship even though I was worn out. Still, I haven't 'manned up' all the way like I should.
I really see that it's about me now. Here I am, one of the most powerful people I know, someone my wife has said time and again can do amazing things when I choose to, and I have been in this place of weakness for what seems like forever.
It's hard, because I really would like her support but I can see I'm not going to get it and she may even make a plan to leave. I guess that's what is the hardest - knowing how much I've been through and thinking about it all falling apart again.
Other men are calling me and beating me up on the phone to pick myself up and the one ray of hope that I can actually 'believe' about my W is what Amy said: "I get the impression your wife COULD go either way, but her HEART is with her family." because I know that's mostly true.
