Great job at work today, I know its hard, but keep going, so all you have to deal with is a meal, ok, all the other time keep busy with the kid. Like what is happening with me, I just feel when i am talking to him, i am like thank goodness he is talking to me, but lately, I have been doing the thinking around him, like as he is talking i am starting to say to myself where is the conversation getting me. Most times no where, so I have been cutting them short. You will in time, it will get easier, sometimes I let him go on and on, other gotta go. Yes it is pretty uncomfortable, more and more i am finding it to be difficult due to ours staff members work in both places and I think a majority of them know about his affair, its public knowledge I think over at his hospital, and all rumors behind my back at my hospital.
Great move on the ipod, see it works. Make sure you put at least a one funny dvd in there and let her see you laughing, let her wonder what you are watching.
Great going on being strong, see you can do it. I cannot tell you when the pain gets easier about her looking for dates. You are focusing too much on it. Remember the stop sign technique, try it. If you find your mind wondering picture that stop sign and think of something else. I will come in time. (gosh have to listen to myself oye!)
I was not thinking soap opera so much but yea ok, i was thinking more like book material, but it would never get published because no one would believe it. LOL
Have a wonderful birthday, hope you are doing something great today!
No problem with the posting i will be back later on
bear
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
Work yesterday was made even easier because while we were at a Gamestop (which is where all of them wanted to go post-dinner) my friend called me on the phone. The kid I work with was playing a system that was right in front of the door to the outside - so I stepped out and was on the phone for 15 min while he played his game. That was easy stuff! ...everyone at my work knows about my situation. Most have actually said that they thought that the W and B relationship/friendship thing was really weird to them (w/o me promtping them).
I've also begun to learn that convos with my W go nowhere - regardless of the topic, I think most of the time she's either talking to me out of guilt or selfishness. heh. Either that, or pure ignorance of where I am. Regardless, I'm going to go as dark as I can.
This thought ran through my head yesterday, and I feel it embodies why I should 'go dark'.
"How can she act like she's my friend, when she can't even show me the respect I'm due for having been her husband?"
I think if I repeat that to myself, it'll help me keep my distance from her.
It's going to be very weird this Friday having a birthday party without her there. But it's going to be the first of many, so I'm going to enjoy the company of all my other friends and be content with that.
My present to myself today will be to try and not think about my situation as much as possible! Friday's the actual party (day off, whoo!) but I'm going to enjoy today as much as possible.
I've done pretty good on the PMA so far today. Had a brief downturn when that stupid song "brown eyed girl" came on again (I hate our music/PA system) but managed OK.
I'm having fun planning and inviting people over for the party. Plus, in addition to b-day wishes here, I got a bunch of messages on my Facebook wall, my e-mail inbox, and a couple voicemails on my cell phone wishing me a happy birthday, so that's nice.
OK, things were a little tough there. The house I work in (private residence) is pretty dark - as in, poor lighting arrangements compared to the geometry of the room. Sufficent light to see by, but lots of shadows. So some of the evening was kinda gray/dark and dismal.
I'm at the library with the kid now, though, well-lit and feeling in a better place even though I've only been here 5 minutes.
I'm trying to keep my walls up for myself today - but here and there the "my wife's looking to date other men" slaps me in the face. I put up the "Stop Sign" for those thoughts, but damn it stings. I'm processing that hurt as best I can. It almost feels like I found out about a new physical affair. But seeing as I can't control her actions, I'm trying to keep it off my mind. I can only think that this will end poorly for her.
I feel more content in my position of wanting to be able to heal from the ruins of this marriage before going onto anything else; also, having the "moral high ground" feels good.
A co-worker was absolutely awesome to me today. I mentioned in conversation it was my birthday (not looking for a "happy birthday" but explaining that I'd come in early so I could leave early and relax at the end of the day), and she bought me take-out from a local place and got me this neat punching-bag thing (she knows my sitch, and had been separated from her husband for a year awhile back, so empathized). One of those inflatable ones like you see for kids. I got a laugh out of it, and was really touched at the same time. She'd insisted on doing something for me - over my protests - and it was really nice.
I am so glad it sounds like you had a great birthday!!
I am glad you are trying the stop sign thing. I did it for a while and stopped. No pun intended, I have to start doing it again. Goal on my part. Oh it will sting, but if you think about it lets say in you would keep going over and over and over in you mind lets say for 10 minutes about your w. So maybe with continuing with the stop sign you can get to maybe 9 minutes, they 8 and so forth you get the idea.
You will have good days and you will have bad days. Yesterday was bad for me, today i feel a little bit better today than i did yesterday, i realized in 11 days i go to florida, (of course like my luck i looked at the extended forecast for the area, and the day i get there great weather, the next two. Rain and like 50 degrees) Oh bother i wanted to come home with a sun tan not a rain tan. Gosh. I know its too early and the weather does change, just feel like eeyore, yep it raining on me.
I did get one bright spot of news today, my boss told me we may be going to a conference in Las Vegas in March. WOO HOO, have never been always wanted to go h never could really commit to go. So keep your fingers crossed for luck
I am so glad you had a nice birthday, enjoy the rest of the day! Hope you at least got yourself a cupcake and put a candle in it for yourself. You deserve it! There is still time to go out and get one! LOL
Enjoy, sending hugs your way bear
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
The stop-sign thing's a bit tough for me, but I can impliment it sometimes with success.
heh. I've found that one of the things that gets my mind off the main thoughts of W, and serves as a bridge to something else are song lyrics. Like "Piano Man" by Billy Joel, or something non-relationship related. Or a rundown of characters from Star Trek or something like that.
I'm also trying to make myself realize when I DO have to think about it, that W's actions, however absurd, irraitional, or just outright sh*tty they seem to me -- they're totally normal and acceptable to her. That she really does think that she can be my friend, and go out and date/have sex with other guys, while expecting me to be OK with it.
I hope the Florida trip goes well for you - good weather all around! And good luck on getting to Vegas, too!
I didn't have a cupcake today, but I am getting a tasty cake Friday for the party. That'll be awesome.
