I've done this in a couple of relationships, and finally I figured out that it was a bad thing and don't do it any more and put a stop to it when when the other person does it.
What I figured out was that this kind of humor (when there's a bit of truth to it) is like looking at this thing that the two of you have created-- this R-- and joking about whether you are going to feed it or let it die of neglect.
I was thinking about this. W and I both have very dark and twisted senses of humor. One of the things that we both truely love about each other is that we both feel free to be funny in front of each other, because sometimes it's not to make those kinds of jokes in other people's presence. A humorous exchange after our discussion last weekend:
W: You know, if you try to take the kids from me I'll have to kill you.
Me: Yeah, you'll probably poison. I'll have to have the kids taste the food for me.
Of course, there's a grain of truth. In the preceding convo, W made it clear how hard she would fight me for custody.
In the future, I might use these kinds of jokes to pick out the uncomfortable grain of truth and use the joke as a starting point for a more serious conversation.
Quote:
ETA: congrats on becoming an engineer! Do you get to blow the whistle when the train comes to the crossing-- that's got to be the COOLEST part!
I've been working as an engineer 10 years, but didn't get an engineering degree until my MS in 2003, then wasn't allow to take the test until 2007.
I don't get to blow the whistle. I do get to attend meetings.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
