Piecing is hard...should I even do it?

[ntl]

Thank you, cat03!

Those nuggets of advice are so good. I often struggle with the comparison aspect. Is she smarter than me? Kinder than me? More fun than me? A better lover than me? and so on and so forth, as nauseum.

H keeps telling me that the other person doesn't matter and that the thing he was really having an affair with was his own compulsions and addictions and that he had objectified her to the point where she was a means to an end. At the time, he says he thought he had a real relationship, but now realizes he was just using her to feed his addiction. He thinks the idea of a comparison is silly because I am so much more.

But I don't think it's silly...I can't help but wonder what made it seem so magical to him. And why that affair was so easy and this is so hard. When I ask him that, he says the affair wasn't easy and that he was in complete mental turmoil but didn't know how to get out of the fog.

Like I said...it all sounds good...

But I am falling in to the same pit as before. I need to meditate on these DBing principles. GALing really saved me this past spring. I think I in need of getting back on that track.

Thank you so, so much for responding!

Regards,

ntl