Piecing is hard...should I even do it?

[cat03]

as someone who's BTDT (H saw ow 2x after I told him never to see her) I can tell you that I too question myself, if this is the right thing. Unlike the first 2 times, my H has truly been repentant and is doing stuff to hear the M that he wasn't doing before, and that;s the reason I took him back, not because I trusted him and believed him, but because I saw that this time around things were different and a light bulb finally wen on in his head.

I understand too well that trust will be super slow to come this time around. The betrayal truly hurts, I know, but you can get past it, I will post here again some awesome advice I got when I found out about my H's 2nd A this past summer:

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Your H probably did a LOT of things while he was gone that is hurtful to you now. The hardest thing to remember is that he did it to himself, not to hurt you. Moreover, you will get over this, while H has to live with it and likely screwed himself up more.
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Listen to me....you need to relax....you need to stop casting blame....you need to realize that he is back with you and it is going to take time...my H has been back for 6 mos. and still can't say "I love you"....but he is here and we are getting better....it is hard to see as it goes along...it is when I look back that I see how far we have come....
Get control of your emotions....if you can't control them then take a personal time out....let him know why....tell him you feel out of control and don't want to make things worse...he will respect you for this...
Let you husband keep his dignity...no more quizing...it will only make you feel bad....him feel bad for making you feel bad...and in the end you both have gained nothing for it....what's done is done...you can't change the past but you can change the future...look to the future....the only time I look back now is to see how far I have come....how far we have come..
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"The very nature of being the "third party" (OW or OM) instead of the "spouse" means it's a fantasy relationship. When people are in affairs, they present a side of themselves that's not representative of the whole person. It's a special version of their best aspects, free from the normal responsibilities involved in sharing a total life situation; whereas the roles and structure of family life create many restrictions and responsibilities. A person's affair is not so much a rejection of the mate as a rejection of these role restrictions. This awareness can be especially helpful in dealing with our feelings of comparison with the third party."
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As I have said before, maybe in a different way, it's not usually the affair that ends the marriage, it's the LBS's ability to control the anger long enough to move forward that does. The blame for the rift belongs squarely on the WAS but the blame for it's enlargment often falls on us, the cheated on. Getting past that was the hardest thing I ever had to do but so entirely necessary for my own personal growth.