In about three weeks, my wife will recieve a bonus check. She knows this is coming, so she opened up a separate checking account and ordered her company to send all payroll to the new account.
Here is my question: Am I wrong in expecting her to share this bonus with me? I don't intend to sound like I am somehow entitled. But I do feel that way.
If you agree with me that she should share, any suggestions on hwo to broach the subject? I have no doubt she thinks I forgot about her quarterly bonus...
Oh, the amount will be in the neighborhood of what our mortgage payment is. I know that doesn't help much.... but I don't want to get too specific...
Is there a substitute for talking? Could you do it in sign language?
Bottom line, open your mouth, say what you think. "Honey, are you diverting your income to a separate account? Do you think we should both do that? You know we need both our incomes to support the household and the family."
Sara, my question wasn't "Should we talk?" The question was, "Am I right to feel entitled to this, with our accounts having been split?"
Regarding the accounts, the ship has sailed. The new account has been opened, and the Jan 15 paycheck will go there. Bonus day is either Jan 31 or Feb 15. So the new account is open. I am just not sure how to approach the issue of the bonus money.
I do intend to tell her that it will be her responsibility to ensure that the money is in my account on the 15th and 31st each month, before 9:00AM. I pay all of our bills electronically, and the money is "pulled" in the morning.
Here is a follow-up question regarding the separate accounts.
Right now, today, wife has complete access to all accounts in my name: Bank accounts, investments, credit cards, everything. Now, I do not at all expect that she will grant me access to any of her accounts (she recently opened up two credit card accts as well as the new bank account).
So here is the question: After we discuss the split of the accounts (how much she gives me each month - she will pay me because I pay all the bills), should I change the passwords?
Reason I ask is this: At some point, she is going to approach me to discuss a mediated settlement of our assets. At that time, I will request (and I completely expect that she will deny) access (or statements) from her accounts. I want to be in the position of having taken the high road. I want to say, "Look, you have had complete access to all of my accounts for the past X months since we split the accounts. I have been completely transparent to you. I am requesting similar transparency from you. I need to know that you are not hoarding money."
I know the mantra: Do not trust your spouse during a divorce. I get that. I just want to take the high road, and not appear to be hiding anything. OK, I know, if we divorce, I can get this info through discovery. But I don't want to go that route. It will be expensive.
I also want her to think that I trust her. Regarding the money, I do trust her. Regarding Shrek, I do not.
What do you folks think? Should I change the passwords? Or continue to allow her access?
As I understand it, income is joint property in a marriage, so you are entitled to half of her income, whether it is wages or bonus. If she got new credit cards in her name, did she use your income to qualify for them? I can't speak for your wife, but I get credit cards all the time based on the family income and with a quick forged signature of my husband's name. And he has pointed out to me that if I am getting credit cards based on his income, then he wants to know what is going on with that card.
On the other hand, this might be a good time to go ahead and split the financial stuff and decide how much each of you should contribute to the household monthly. I think you should ask for transparency now, not after it becomes a problem.
Early in our sitch, we split things from one join account into three: her personal account, my personal account, and the shared one (for house payments and any other joint bills). We each have our paychecks deposited in our personal accounts, and then transfer a "fair", set amount from there to the joint account. When W started hinting around about this, I did a 180 - said "that's a great idea" and set it all up.
As far as the bonus, I would not treat it as anything "special". Instead, I would go with "My annual income is $____ (includes both salary and bonuses) and I will contribute x percent of it. Your annual income is $____ (includes both salary and bonuses) and you should contribute the same x percent of it." This is what we did (making some adjustments for who pays for health care, etc.) and we both consider it fair and reasonable.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
OK, that sounds OK. What I will do is say to her, "Here is a spreadsheet with all bills, minus credit cards in our own names. I have proportionally allocated each of our responsibilities, based upon what you earned in 2007 and what I earn now (I was unemployed for a period in 2007)."
Now, she will not like this, saying, "My proportion is too high!!! I don't make that much!!" My response will be, "OK, we can lower it based upon your salary... but you need to give me half of every bonus check that comes in until the D is final."
BTW, I am disinclined to open a "joint" account. I see it as unnecessary.
Thanks Rob and Sara. Good start. If anybody else has input, throw it out there. I am open to suggestion.
