Piecing is hard...should I even do it?

[ntl]

Thanks Patrick325...

I do want to forgive him, but I also want to know that he's never going to cheat on me again. And I guess I am looking for an iron-clad when there really isn't one.

I have been trying to make our marriage loving...but every time things start to feel really good, like we're working things out, like we're reaching our long-held goals, I get scared. I start thinking about all the things he did to hurt me and I pull myself away. I just can't get over that fear and I can't allow myself to just BE. I keep sabotaging the happy times and it's making the piecing process hard. But I can't help feel that I need to protect myself, too.