I'm doing my best! Last night was the school open house and W was at her best NOT! She stormed into the auditorium and took D13 aside, in front of her friends, to "discuss" something. Even after D pleaded "could we do this at another time, PLEASE!" W said "we can do this in the aisle or we can do it right here" Yup, she wants her way and that is that! It was about some miscommunication that caused W some embarrassment, so that is D's fault naturally. Afterwards, D talked to me on the way home and we had a long talk about how to deal with mom. I told her mom was like a dog with a bone, the more you try and pull that bone out of the dog's mouth, the worse she fights you! I said the key is to stop trying to get the bone. I said "if you keep walking into a wall, sooner or later you start to look for a door!" So, we talked about how to sidestep those unplesant interactions with her mother. D says " I feel like she's always trying to beat me into the ground", I told her I completely understood and that is why it is best to AVOID those interactions with Mom because she will always win! She's good at fighting and arguing. D said that lately at least Mom has been more pleasant and fun loving but also is often angry and complains alot about her hard life. We talked about how each of us are responsible for our own lives and the decisions we make, Mom's just not real good at owning her choices these days. D said "I'm beginning to understand why you don't live with her anymore" I said "your mother is not an easy person to live with but I also have to take responsibility for the part I played in what happened to our M, when you don't do that you are acting helpless and that is never being honest with yourself" I tried hard to empathize with D, help her try some different ways of dealing with Mom (e.g. "I understand what you are saying, I will think about it" rather than shooting back a rebuttal cuz when W's on fire there's no discussion to be had, better to approach her later) but also tried to help D understand a bit of where Mom was coming from by discussing putting yourself in the other persons shoes. Later that evening W phoned and asked me why D was so pissed at her and I replied "I think that is something you should talk about with your D" she didn't like that reply but that's too bad. She said "I am asking you as an alternative information source" I guess I'm some kind of media outlet or something! Again, I said " I think you should discuss it with your D" So D and Mom talked on the phone for a short bit, who knows where it went but D went to bed happier anyway. Sometimes I just don't know ehich way to turn on these things, I want to support D in dealing with these issues but I don't want to badmouth W either and I dont' want to come across as sticking up for mom either. I did suggest ways D could approach Mom to talk about her concerns but I recognize what a tough nut to crack W is too! I'm doing my best at this job but the pay sucks .
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