You see how similar our lives have been? Jeff and I are different in a lot of ways, but we both went through the same thing of hurting the ones we loved because we were overcome by our own pain and managed poorly. Then we were forced to pull every ounce of strength we had while we were still down to 'stand' for our wives. After that we were still empty and still lost, still hurt but now we had more hurt to deal with.
The difference is Jeff has Amy.
I have me, and a wife who loves me but can't help me, and is choosing to save herself. I accept that, she's the one I chose because of her kind and gentle soul. That comes with a lot of responsibility and I failed. a man should not need a wife to have to do the things that Jeff and I ask of them but some of us are so damaged at some point that we NEED them to help us. I just chose the one who couldn't and festered inside wondering why.
You can help Jeff. Just be present, that's all. He's alone and he's hurting. Just be present. Be in his presence as much as possible in a loving way. You keep being afraid to insert yourself into his life, like you have to wait to 'be invited'.
Your his WIFE for gods sake, you don't need an invitation to love him. Get your a-ss over there with a plan to just be 'love'. NO matter what.
Save him Amy, one of us has to win and I am so spent It's going to be all I can do to save myself during this storm. Do it Amy. This is the reason we met. Kindred spirits learn from each others mistakes and successes. I guess I've held this back from you but I don't care any more. You are in the same position my wife is in. I'm TELLING you what I NEED from her and letting you know it's what JEFF needs from YOU.
I NEED to FEEL loved a LOT to help neutralize the hurt and pain and mistrust and everything. I need to feel like I'm the most important person in her life even when I'm being the 'prickly pear'. My wife can't do that, she just can't.
If he can't accept love from you then he's a lost soul and there's nothing you or anyone can do to change that.
Damn you Amy I'm going to make you fix this if it's the last thing I do. Don't you give up on Jeff, it's not too late.
