I agree that not going out is less pressure. But review the pros/cons for each scenario. It is not as cut and dry as in other situations since you still go out.
What I think you should do in this case is make the decision yourself. Your MIL asked both of you. Being Passive Agressive, your husband doesn't really want to make the decision. I involves both of you, so you can make the choice here. Email your MIL back, copying your husband, thank her for the offer, but tell her that you two are not interested or do not need or do not wnat a night out right now. Then thank her again.
Since he's Passive Aggressive, he may get upset--at any decision you make. But someone has to make the decision.
Originally Posted By: missmyfriend
I do believe it takes a great deal of courage to come back but to leave a family, it is not courage. I don't think we should rub it in their faces but I would never state that to leave it took courage (unless abuse was involved).
I think it is both courageous and cowardice. For some they have thought and dreamt of leaving for some time...but lacked the courage. For others the internal pressure had not reached level yet, but there are those who dream of it and it's not only the guilt and duty that keeps them home--they are afraid to leave for any number of reasons.
Leaving me freaked Sweetheart out. In the beginning he told me he thought he would eventually come back because he didn't like change--he also told me he would come back for a variety of reasons on a variety of occasions. Sometimes it's easier to stay unhappy than change and take the risk to the unknown--something that may be happier, but may not.
I don't know if Sweetheart's leaving was courageous the first time. I don't think I would calssify him as one of those. And the times after the first...definitely not. He knew he would be home, so he felt somewhat safe in that.
But it takes courage to leave when you want to and do not want to. When you KNOW (intuitively not logically) that you have to do this, but that you very much want to make it better so you can come home again. It takes courage because you KNOW you must go, but you don't know if you will choose to come home (you hope you will choose that) and you don't know what your spouse will allow. Many MLCers do not want their spouses moving on in anything other than the nondating self-focus GAL sense. They don't want them dating someone else--often that is one of their greatest fears.
So it can take great courage to step into the crisis. Yeah, we wish they would step into the transition without Crisis, but Oh well.
