Talked to a friend who laid it out for me. Get YOUR crap together because that's what she's testing you on, and face it, if you don't get it together now, then when?
He thinks that it's the lack of feeling safe financially and emotionally that is the big problem for her, and that is the big problem for my self esteem also.
Still thinks that with changes in my attitude, there is still a chance she will be drawn back. I don't know. I think the more she sees a 'better' life away with her friends and 'like minded' people the more she will not want to stay.
Frank man I know you're hurting but I want you to read the bold. I KNOW you're hurting.....I just want to repeat that so I don't seem like the cold callous B**** I've been called by the ex but the changes in your attitude should not be done on the basis of possibly drawing her back.
I kinda wonder what advice you'd give to a newbie who said they want to change to draw their spouse back. If the intent is to change for that purpose, how long will the changes stay in effect? Work out a plan to get yourselves set financially, show her that you can provide for her (in the meantime building YOUR self esteem) and if she still bolts, did she love you like she should?
I don't mean or want to be a hard @$$....and I'm sorry if I come across that way.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
but the changes in your attitude should not be done on the basis of possibly drawing her back. 
