The Great Wall Part II

[Dom R]

Dom,

It will look like this: "Oh yes, I sincerely agree that the church says sex is a fundamental part of M. Of course, the church also does so in order to guarantee children (future Catholics) and so on."

You have specific counters to that. St. Paul gives the specific reason why the command to not withold sex from your spouse is given. And it isnt the R.C. party line on "marriage is for procreation".

St. Paul specifically says it is in order that your spouse may not be tempted by satan.
There are lots of forms of temptation. One of which, is the sexual infidelity road. However, another... is to be tempted to "give up trying" in a marriage that is sexually unsatisfying.
You clearly have been tempted in this area.
It might be time to share that with him, if he asks about that aspect of things.

Well, H if you agree it is important why isn't it happening in our M?

Well - x,y,z - tired, stressed, no time, baby, responsibilities etc....

I'd say that's the 'wrong' question to ask.

Dont ask "why isnt it happening?" . That's about equivalent to asking, "give me excuses now".
Ask, "Since you agree you are commanded by God to do this; What are you going to do about making it happen? [and what can I do to help, if you need my help?]"

(and btw, 'you can help by asking me for it less' is not an acceptible answer from him; it contradicts the question rather than answering it)

If I press it he will describe it as unsexy due to being "forced" to have sex. Apparently, anything that smacks of sex out of duty equates to force.

This is why the biblical approach is so much better than you trying the wordly, "I want it" approach.
Because it's not you doing the forcing. it is God.

If you show him that it is God's will that he fulfil you... he then is in a position of having to answer to God for his lacking, rather than just you.


On top of that... if he doesnt feel like "it is sexy"...

TOO BAD!! This isnt about his needs, it's about him not meeting yours

If he wants to be involved in something that feels sexy, presumably, he is welcome to ask you for whatever he would like in that area. But since he apparently isnt interested in that... it's time for him to give you what YOU consider sexy!
And if he doesnt... he is violating part of the marital commandments from God.

You can get what you want, sexually, from him, if you dont back down from this.


I believe that, given his relationship with God as you describe it... once he sees that he has been in the wrong, he will participate non-grudgingly with you.
It's not like he hates you.
He loves you. He's just been lazy.