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Ann thanks - turns out I said something precisely along those lines and it shut her up so I feel reassured. But often I've not been so nimble and felt like putting my foot in my mouth.

I recall another jab that day that I was annoying D11 by checking her math H/W and asking her to fix mistakes. I think this is my duty after discussing it with her teachers and other parents who expect this. I'm concerned for D11 that W treats her too much like a "friend/confidant". I don't want to bribe D11 with goodies like W does but I don't want W to continue to use her as a leg to stand on and as a catalyst to attack me. I've been advised by some to seek C for D11 and then by others that she will resent me if I do as it will put a lot of pressure on her. I've also been advised to try to get W to go to "co-parenting" classes/counseling. But these are all very sensitive moves to make. Meanwhile I'm looking for some simple/positive/healthy way to handle D11 to stop this behavior without making her feel responsible for it.