I am on the other side of the fence - my H too was pushing for splitting the accts and I saw that as one more step closer to ending us - so I asked him to hold off.
LWB, I think it's great he ended it - hell my H 'ended it' three times. It's is an addiction and they need to really let go of the OP themselves. Let him see the positive LWB, the hard worker LWB, the opposite of the OW - don't look at it as a game to be played - you still need to be true to yourself. Either he wants you for you - and for the changes you have made and the work you are willing to do on the M or he loses big time.
Don't let your fears of him still wanting a D wear you down - fear saps the energy from us. He may be worried he caused to much damage to ever come back and you need to help him see there still is a chance...he's in a hole right now and he's not sure how to get out - or he may be questioning is it easier for him to just start over on his own? He loves his girls and that is huge!!!
Baby Steps and keep track of the positives!!!
You are doing GREAT!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
You are right on all counts. Just take it one day at a time and look at it as he's here today and obviously working on his issues, let it be. Yes continue to be positive and independent.
IMOP, You are right I would just let the separating finances go. Just don't say anything about it unless he brings it up. If he is depositing the checks into the joint acct, it is probobly his way of saying he wants to hang onto the M, for now at least. Im sure he is trying to take care of some of the guilt he feels about what he has done.
He is definitily confused and trying to figure out what he really wants and is obviously leaning your way. Does it mean that everything will be fine? who knows!!! but at least you know you will be fine no matter what happens.
LWB, You are awesome!
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I agree with Jak that you should let the finances go right now...no sense rocking the boat with that if you don't have to as long as you still feel comfortable having the finances together.
I'm really glad to hear that he's attempting to change things. I'd like to think that your two mysterious lunches with a stranger named Hope might have helped him see the light a little. Like everyone else says, don't get your hopes up and take it one day at time but this seems really promising to me. I'd say the best thing you can do is be pleasant, but still continue to move on with your life and do things for yourself....it seems like these WAS do fine until the LBS really starts moving on...hopefully, your H can see the light before it's too late.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
It would be funny that he wonder about your lunches with LWB.
I think we need to maintain the mystery and GAl even if they do show signs of coming back to earth. If we start veering from our own activities in the GAL then WAS gets to comfortable and decides they don't have to do as much work as before and thus end up being an ass again.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
It would be funny that he wonder about your lunches with LWB.
Oh he's wondering. I received an unknown call on my cell about an hour before our last lunch and they hung up right when I said hello. I never get unknown calls, and I know how crazy these WAS can be...I'm almost positive it was lwb's H checking up on her.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
I think it was him too. He admitted today that he checks my phone.
I am not feeling awesome today. H told me that OW showed up at a party he was at on Saturday night, but he didn't talk to her. He didn't know she was coming. He told me he called her yesterday (I already knew this). He says "We are fighting.". He looked very uncomfortable telling me this (who wouldn't be???) and said he didn't want to talk about why.
He actually proposed (half joking, but it came from somewhere) getting divorced, and living in the same house to raise the kids. I told him "Absolutely not. Its all or nothing. I certainly don't want just part of you either". We had off and on not-so-good talks. He really wants to have sex, I am so torn about this. Says he misses me, but really, what happens to LWB when OW and H make up....
Thanks jak, I am not going to bring up finances right now, but will not fight a thing if he wants to do it...
I am trudging uphill tonight. Trying to keep it together.......
