W would make the joking comment "Well, we could do it this way, but you better not divorce me." We've been using this type of gallows humor on each other for years,
I've done this in a couple of relationships, and finally I figured out that it was a bad thing and don't do it any more and put a stop to it when when the other person does it.
What I figured out was that this kind of humor (when there's a bit of truth to it) is like looking at this thing that the two of you have created-- this R-- and joking about whether you are going to feed it or let it die of neglect. I don't have any kids, but it seems to me almost as if there were a baby lying there and the H and W are saying, "Well we could feed her," and the other jokes, "Naw, let's just see how long she lives if we stop feeding her." "Well, we could save time and just drown her right now!" [laugh, laugh, laugh]
When I looked at it this way, I was horrified. The R is a living thing that the two people bring into being, and joking about whether you keep it alive or let it die-- yuck!!
Of course in a very solid, loving marriage, the occasional D joke is a different matter. But in a rocky M or one where D is a real possibility, this kind of joking is cruel and destructive IMHO.
ETA: congrats on becoming an engineer! Do you get to blow the whistle when the train comes to the crossing-- that's got to be the COOLEST part!
