I tried to read your thread a few days back and couldn't get in... some weird message I got from the BB system...
Anyway.
Quote:
Reading some of the other threads and going by my own experience of the last few weeks it does seem to me that it is essential to let go of trying in any way to control, manipulate, nudge, spook, ouitwit, prod or otherwise influence the SO's behaviour. It's also essential to quit letting them do that to you. I am learning to say what I feel without caveat. I just say it. I don't add to it or justify it or excuse it or soften the blow. It seems to work, there's less aggro in our conversations. A while back I was posting about being alpha and how I was getting good results - but they didn't last and I think that's because it was an effort for me because it's not the real me. Now I think it's not about being alpha, it's just about being me and making no apologies for being me. H needs to learn the same lesson somehow. Hey Hairdog, can you take on a student?
A couple of times when he has been trying to manipulate me by saying things like "I can't live like this". I just think to myself "OK then don't". It has made a big difference to be ready to bail. Truly ready to bail, because I don't backtrack on myself just for the sake of keeping things together.
This... THIS is brilliant.
You have no comments from me, for there is nothing I could add to that... except keep going to Alanon for support...
... and I loved YOUR story about your little boy, his puppy and the bus. Dam... that makes me all teary... let me know when he has started his own business of taking dogs to the park for walks... I'd say it isn't too far off...
