HELP!! my 25 y/o H walked out... maybe mlc? HELP!!

[cat03]

your sitch is somewhat similar to the time when my H left. So much I'd like to tell you, so I'll try to sum it up:

"he had had suicidal thoughts....he wasn't happy with himself, he never has been and feels he never will be. H said that maybe he'll always be alone, he's always felt alone"

This is big time depression, and people at this stage rush into decisions not because they've thought it up good, they just want the pain to end and they don't know how, they want "something" to happen and the best they can do is run away. My H suffers from depression and your H's description fits to a T. A few months after our S my H actually listened to me and went to a psychiatrist and a therapist, he was a total wreck, he was taking some meds for a while.

he's immersed himself with his OW and her friends

Again, he is trying to cure his depression by distracting himself, but as you can plainly see, it is a quick fix, he feels good for a while, but only for a bit, that's what affairs are, a escape route.

Today (Friday), another completley different story. H was acting like the divorce was going on and nothing was the matter

Yes, my H also was totally convinced he wanted a separation and got a lawyer right away when he found out he could be in a HEAP of legal trouble for abandoning our home. He talked about selling our home, etc etc. I would have none of that. For once, I stalled and bought time, I told him to give me time to deal with the separation and that I was in no shape to make any decisions, he actually backed off a bit. Do NOT move nor do any big decisions right now because he wants you to, he himself doens't know what he wants, so don't get dragged into his emotional rollercoaster, his mind is swiss cheese right now.

Never in the time since he's left has he spoken about maybe reconciling or coming home. I feel like I'm hanging onto a string of hope that no one else sees.

For the first 2mths my H was gone he could barely look me in the eye, he was very very angry, the few times we talked he would say he was never happy, he didn't really loved me, and repainted history in the darkest colors (also part of depression) Not until the 7th month did he talked like he wanted back.
I know it looks hopeless but dont' give up, and true, no one else will see any hope and they'll tell you to forget it and move on, it is easy to say that when you are not in that position, you love him and you have a child together, they will never understand, so dont' listen to that negative talk, I didn't even tell my family because i know things would get worse and in anger (and love for me) they would tell me to forget him.

he still says he doesn't love me.

in order to leave you he had to tell himself he doesn't, he is putting behind him any feelings he had/has for you to be with ow, he needs to justify his actions, hon, dont'hold your breath, he won't say it anytime soon. Do not ask if he does nor expect him to say it.

I also married young and had my son at 22, we did want to get married and wanted children but not yet, so it was a strain on our M to have a child so soon, we didnt' even learn to live w/each other. I can see how your H is feeling no pressure now that he doesnt have to deal with household responsibilities, the freedom of doing/going whatever. It is a mirage but your H won't see it this way.
Keep DBing and GAL, no pressure, no questions, I think you have a right to ask him not to have him around ow but handle it with care, dont' make it WWIII, I think I'd be mad too if the ow would be around my kids.
I sure hope he is paying child support, dont' let him get away with not paying, I see that too often in this board, again, for legal reasons my H always made sure he paid me every cent and I made him pay me for whatever he owed me.

This is a long ride honey, I didn't think I'd survive longer than 3mths, but it lasted 8. We are together now, we have had big time crisis since he's been back, it is an uphill battle. Pray and stay strong and claim every day for you and for your son, you can make it, just like I did with my 2kids (and others here with more than 2kids!)