The drinking is a problem. That is the problem I have been experiencing with my H these several years. Someone who is drinking too much will behave exactly as you describe
When she drinks hard liquor shes nasty, mean, sarcastic and picks fights. The most difficult thing is that when she's like that, she feels justified in feeling that way and doesnt see how mean she is being. If i say 'baby, I think liquor makes you irrational and makes you see attacks that arent there' She just blows up and throws it back at me.
The alcohol is a barrier to intimacy, someone who has been drinking is emotionally closed. The are also selfish, can't see anything from another's point of view, self-pitying etc.
Soberrecovery.com is a good place to start if you want to find out more about this. Do not kid yourself (as I did) that you can even begin to fix any of the other R problems until this is fixed.
I am still in the "get out now" camp for your sitch. Certainly you should think about drawing some very simple lines in the sand which if crossed will result in you leaving. For example - quit drinking and go to counselling. If you see no movement on her part then follow-through and leave. I have been struggling SO hard with this for a long time and it really wasn't until I clearly said (and was clearly ready in my own mind) that I would leave that my H actually recognised that his drinking had ANYTHING to do with our problems - no matter what I had said prior to that.
You CANNOT repeat CANNOT have any kind of sensible, empathetic, reasonable conversation with someone who is an excessive drinker. If you don't believe me ask Lil.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
