I apprectae the input. After re-reading it, it is a bit harsh and overwhelming. After reading the NMMNG book though, Im trying to find a way to get my needs and expectations across. If I was given this list I would be pretty defensive too. So how do you get the point across that your needs are vaild and important? I appreciate it when people are direct with me and maybe thats my communication style. I just assume that's hers too. As for the drinking, it has become a problem I would say. Were both binge drinkers, and drinking has been a big part of our relationship. I have cut back A LOT in an effort to be a better example and because I felt it was causing problems in our relationship. Originallly she and I would go out and play darts or go to the local bar or just hang around the house on the weekends and drink excessively. Excessively as in, We would drink 12-15 beers on a Saturday night EACH. We used to enjoy it and the evenings were always fun and playful and sexual. It slowly became our 'thing'. Over time the fun, playful, flirty times began to turn sour. I feel that we started using drinking as a crutch to real intimacy. She started drinking rum or tequila instead of beer and we ended up in a nasty fight evey time. Ive since slowed way down and dont even want the risk of a fight by drinking with her. I would say I have maybe 8-10 beers about once a month now. She drinks rum every friday after work and we usually end up in a fight over something petty. I know I have created part of this situation for encouraging it and not seeing it as a problem earlier. I definately think that the hard alcohol affects her differently. When she would drink beer she was affectionate, sweet, giving, romantic. When she drinks hard liquor shes nasty, mean, sarcastic and picks fights. The most difficult thing is that when shes like that, she feels justified in feeling that way and doesnt see how mean she is being. If i say 'baby, I think liquor makes you irrational and makes you see attacks that arent there' She just blows up and throws it back at me. I think the only solution is to stop until our relationship is back on track.
