CL, First of all, I think you handled everything very well. You don't deserve to be put down like that and you didn't just tell her what seh wanted to hear.
This morning, you calmly explained how her comments made you feel and why you are unwilling to work more hours. Well done, my friend.
Your W seems angry. She's taking it out on you, on her mother, on her job... whatever. She's angry. She also seems to have a reactive personality.
I think you should continue to stand your ground, calmly. You should continue to point out how here behaviors and words affect you. She needs to know that it is not okay to say those things to you and put you down. I believe that if you continue to tell her how hurtful her words and actions are to you, that she will become more and more aware and will eventually back down.
Is she by any chance taking any ADs? I think she would benefit.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
I am shocked at how your W has spoken to you, and has treated you. You (or any other man) is not responsible for taking care of her, financially or emotionally. She is responsible for herself. It's just a bonus when two people can be caring to each other, and if one happens to be able to financially take care of both of you. Good grief! Nothing worse than a person who made a choice, then gets too old to change, then takes it out on everyone around them (who care about them), and does not take personal responsibility for their own choices. I am talking about the choice not to have children, but also her choice not to seek a career by going back to school, or starting her own business. It would've been so easy to do since she does not have the added stress and responsibility of raising children.
Honestly, CL, I think your W is to be pitied, but she made her bed, and now when it's uncomfortable, she wants to blame others .... very selfish.
But, I know you love her, and you are doing your best to accommodate her needs/wants/demands, while still maintaining your own sanity and boundaries. Good for you!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BM, PS, Aud, Matilda, Heartbroken, and Jak, Thanks for your support regarding my W's tantrum last week. It helped me from being unbalanced and reactive, and to maintain some detachment.
She's starting to percolate some ideas regarding her future that are more in line with what's important to her. The resignation has opened a space for ideas to occur. She's realizing that the cooking job will serve as a safety net and buy her time to find a job she truly enjoys and is respectfully compensated for.
She thanked me for my assistance with the cooking this weekend, and for driving her out-of-town to the airport and hotel. I stayed at the hotel while she spent the day at the funeral.
I missed dancing this weekend, but hope to get back on track this week.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL, It's almost like your W is getting herself worked up into a tissy - ranting and complaining. And you are just there... being stable, strong, non-reactive, yet you will not tolerate being spoken to a certain way. In some ways (I know how you love the child analogies that I make) it's like a parent watching their child have a tantrum. You just step over the child crying on the floor and say, "This behavior is unacceptable and I'm not going to stand here and listen to it".
In other words, by not reacting to the fit of rage, you are not feeding it. So that leaves your W to look inward at why she's throwing the fit. She can't blame you.
You are her rock. That much seems clear. Stay the course and continue to be strong. You have a lot of great insights and great patience. Your W is lucky to have you, and I'm sure she knows that.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
