I called OW's H today. He told me that his W told him the Saturday before Christmas (22nd?), H and his W exchanged Christmas gifts, and my H told OW that he needed space, that he doesn't think they should talk or see each other anymore. OW is 'respecting' his wishes, and supposedly doesn't call him. Meanwhile, she is still begging her H to reconcile. He has agreed to stay in the house longer for the kids, but is still moving on with: finances and an life independent of OW.
Yes, this is a good thing. H has NEVER tried to end it with her (as far as I know).
BUT......and help me remember these things:
1. Things could always turn around. One phone call, one accidental sighting, and they could be seeing each other again.
2. I will continue with my positive and independent behavior.
3. I will not approach H with R talk. He kind of told me about the break last week, but didn't want to talk about it further, so I didn't push. I will not push, I will be receptive if he chooses to find me.
He has been quiet for a couple days. Not cranky, just quiet. I have to admit that I am happy about this, but I need to remember it might be temporary. This week will show me a bit. H usually does 'errands' and lunch with D6 coordinating to possibly see OW. Last week, he switched up his routine a bit, and I did not hear from my kids that they saw OW and her kids (they report any sighting of anyone...). We shall see....
Question: We were moving forward with separting finances, etc. H was fighting this a bit last week. I am thinking of continuing to let that battle go. What do you guys think?
Well H did tell me they hadn't seen/spoken to each other in weeks, but he didn't tell me how it happened.
I was going full force with separating our finances/seeking mediation. H was fighting me a bit (taking checks he was supposed to use to start his own acct and placing them in our joint account), so I kind of relaxed about 'pushing on'. Didn't know what I should do....
I would continue to split the finances. Carry on as planned. You can be all sweetness and understanding while you're doing so, but I wouldn't let him out of the consequences of his actions unless he's willing to come to the table, hat in hand. Unless he asks you to reconsider, I wouldn't. And even if he does, I would only give it some consideration, since the splitting of the finances might still be a good idea, even if he decides he wants to reconcile and commit to you fully.
I am on the other side of the fence - my H too was pushing for splitting the accts and I saw that as one more step closer to ending us - so I asked him to hold off.
LWB, I think it's great he ended it - hell my H 'ended it' three times. It's is an addiction and they need to really let go of the OP themselves. Let him see the positive LWB, the hard worker LWB, the opposite of the OW - don't look at it as a game to be played - you still need to be true to yourself. Either he wants you for you - and for the changes you have made and the work you are willing to do on the M or he loses big time.
Don't let your fears of him still wanting a D wear you down - fear saps the energy from us. He may be worried he caused to much damage to ever come back and you need to help him see there still is a chance...he's in a hole right now and he's not sure how to get out - or he may be questioning is it easier for him to just start over on his own? He loves his girls and that is huge!!!
Baby Steps and keep track of the positives!!!
You are doing GREAT!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
I am on the other side of the fence - my H too was pushing for splitting the accts and I saw that as one more step closer to ending us - so I asked him to hold off.
LWB, I think it's great he ended it - hell my H 'ended it' three times. It's is an addiction and they need to really let go of the OP themselves. Let him see the positive LWB, the hard worker LWB, the opposite of the OW - don't look at it as a game to be played - you still need to be true to yourself. Either he wants you for you - and for the changes you have made and the work you are willing to do on the M or he loses big time.
Don't let your fears of him still wanting a D wear you down - fear saps the energy from us. He may be worried he caused to much damage to ever come back and you need to help him see there still is a chance...he's in a hole right now and he's not sure how to get out - or he may be questioning is it easier for him to just start over on his own? He loves his girls and that is huge!!!
Baby Steps and keep track of the positives!!!
You are doing GREAT!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
I am on the other side of the fence - my H too was pushing for splitting the accts and I saw that as one more step closer to ending us - so I asked him to hold off.
LWB, I think it's great he ended it - hell my H 'ended it' three times. It's is an addiction and they need to really let go of the OP themselves. Let him see the positive LWB, the hard worker LWB, the opposite of the OW - don't look at it as a game to be played - you still need to be true to yourself. Either he wants you for you - and for the changes you have made and the work you are willing to do on the M or he loses big time.
Don't let your fears of him still wanting a D wear you down - fear saps the energy from us. He may be worried he caused to much damage to ever come back and you need to help him see there still is a chance...he's in a hole right now and he's not sure how to get out - or he may be questioning is it easier for him to just start over on his own? He loves his girls and that is huge!!!
Baby Steps and keep track of the positives!!!
You are doing GREAT!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
I am on the other side of the fence - my H too was pushing for splitting the accts and I saw that as one more step closer to ending us - so I asked him to hold off.
LWB, I think it's great he ended it - hell my H 'ended it' three times. It's is an addiction and they need to really let go of the OP themselves. Let him see the positive LWB, the hard worker LWB, the opposite of the OW - don't look at it as a game to be played - you still need to be true to yourself. Either he wants you for you - and for the changes you have made and the work you are willing to do on the M or he loses big time.
Don't let your fears of him still wanting a D wear you down - fear saps the energy from us. He may be worried he caused to much damage to ever come back and you need to help him see there still is a chance...he's in a hole right now and he's not sure how to get out - or he may be questioning is it easier for him to just start over on his own? He loves his girls and that is huge!!!
Baby Steps and keep track of the positives!!!
You are doing GREAT!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
I am on the other side of the fence - my H too was pushing for splitting the accts and I saw that as one more step closer to ending us - so I asked him to hold off.
LWB, I think it's great he ended it - hell my H 'ended it' three times. It's is an addiction and they need to really let go of the OP themselves. Let him see the positive LWB, the hard worker LWB, the opposite of the OW - don't look at it as a game to be played - you still need to be true to yourself. Either he wants you for you - and for the changes you have made and the work you are willing to do on the M or he loses big time.
Don't let your fears of him still wanting a D wear you down - fear saps the energy from us. He may be worried he caused to much damage to ever come back and you need to help him see there still is a chance...he's in a hole right now and he's not sure how to get out - or he may be questioning is it easier for him to just start over on his own? He loves his girls and that is huge!!!
Baby Steps and keep track of the positives!!!
You are doing GREAT!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
