MLC's come home-part 2

[cagzmom]

i know i have read time and time again here that what my h has done is "script." And I think that it is true. I mean I feel like I could be in a class and open a book to page xx of whatever and point and I would be reading EXACTLY what has happened. So MY HEAD knows that this is all right in line. But my heart...it is confused.

Why you may wonder? I guess just how "over me" and distanced he is from me. It is like I dont know. He isn't mean to me - never really has been...it isn't his way. He is not a CONFLICT kinda guy. So he was always like this. Nice- kind gentle.

We can talk and speak to one another, shoot I bet if I wanted to go to lunch or go to his work he would say "sure come on by..." But would HE initiate anything like that NO WAY!! I know that about him too. At least not now, because that would give me hope that there was something there. He doesn't want me to have any hope - AND HE HAS SAID I AM DONE.

He hasn't said those words to me in a very long time. The last time was June -I haven't heard them from him since then. (and I haven't asked) BUT HIS ACTIONS show it. And because I am to gaurd my heart that is what I watch. His actions.

His actions-
I think he is living with her most of the time.
He is going to introduce D11 to her this weekend.
He is cordial and kind - "friend" like but distant.
He does NOT contact me on his own, unless an email or text about
$$.
He proceeded to fill out and finailize the seperation papers-
didn't pull back.
He was happy that I was moving on with my life - and said that
is what he is trying to do. (said to D11)
He has been gone almost a year. Many of yours CAME BACK after
a year - mine is entangled with his ow - he shows NO signs
of "peaking out."
He quit counseling.


ME? I feel like I have "KNOWONE is welcome" printed on my forehead. He found someone within a month of being gone (shoot within weeks). ME? I haven't been hit on by ONE MAN. NOT ONE. AND what is wierd is I don't think I am ugly anymore (another story.) NOT saying that that DEFINES you...just saying he IS DONE and my PRESENCE the very essence of me says - not available.

M