Expectations are your problem. Even if you don't give her the list the list is still in your head and everytime she's not doing them you feel resentful. You are so focused on her you are not looking at yourself at all.
You are right you shouldn't need to mind-read. The Christmas incidents were both cases of her expecting you to read her mind. No-one can be expected to do that. However many people believe *I* means *we* when they are married so bear that in mind. If she says *I* would like to go see my dad - please ask her if she really means *I*. The movie thing was a little different, she did say she didn't mind if you went. She was dishonest about that and you shouldn't be expected to guess what she *really* means. I have spent too many years doing that myself with my PA H.
I am concerned about her drinking. You mention it a couple of times, both in the long list and something about a drunken rant. How much does she drink? How much do you drink? This could be a massive part of the problem that you are overlooking. Just because alcohol is legal doesn't mean people don't get addicted to it and doesn't mean it won't mess with people's minds - it does.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
