I know exactly what you mean.. that's where I'm stuck. I feel like pushing it closer to the level I want will push us further apart.. and yet, where we are? Not enough.
SD Thanks so much for your thoughts!
My reason.. you're right, I need to think it through more.
The thing is, the positives are - well - positive. But if I step back and look objectively, things are still VERY messed up in our R/M. I mean really.. so Christmas morning together was GREAT with the two of us, but his family won't even speak to me (and according to H, it's because of him)???
I've said it in email a few times, forget if I've said it here. It's like Sun-Thurs, we are a great couple. We talk a lot, are happy together, hugs and kisses, lately sometimes more. Then Friday comes and it's like "back to teenybopper land!" for H. All this weird hiding and half sneaking (i.e. making plans in a "whisper" voice but while standing right next to me.. duh, obvious I can hear it!!). I make my plans, I GAL, but frankly it pisses me off. If you want me, you want me on Friday and Saturday too.. if you don't, fine, but quit acting like my loving caring H the other days!
All that said I think I'm fairly detached. I don't go into a tailspin about it anymore. But I'm still extremely confused. I get sad on Thursday thinking "Well here comes another weekend" - no matter how many plans I have it frustrates and saddens me that the assumption is I'm NOT involved with his "weekend life".
You are right about the hesitation, I'm not clear.. and do need to think it through. THANKS for catching that and pointing it out.
ST haha yeah, the BFL program is intense!! It is second nature a few weeks into it, but the first few weeks are pretty complicated. I think I might ease into it a little more the more I think about it.
Steph Aww thanks!
As I mentioned it was kinda a mess! Not TOO bad, but definitely a lot of wind and rain. The rain I can handle, the wind is really unusual for us. We stayed indoors, warm (mostly) and dry, though - so all's well.
H Yes - candles and wine definitely helped!! (as did our neighbor with a generator, and H who was able to fix it.. )
f21 Thanks! Most of our neighbors gave up and went to hotels, understandable with little kids. We got VERY lucky and got power back late Sat. night instead of Monday or later, so that was a nice surprise.
Dave Thanks!! Yep, lots of cleanup, but no injuries so all's well.
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Alright so finally some journaling..
Friday, power went out, but I still had a bunch of meetings for work. It was quite entertaining hosting meetings with huge branches snapping and falling on the roof!! One of the branches was HUGE and I really jumped, then had to apologize to everyone and run around the house real quick to see if anything came through the roof. The yard didn't look that bad, but H got on the roof Sunday and some of those branches were HUGE. I think the biggest were 6" diameter and maybe 15-20' long. Once he cleared the roof the ENTIRE yard was covered. One branch flew all the way over the house and speared through our side gate and into the concrete a bit. YIKES!!! Anyway.. got through without panicking so that was good.
I even had the presence of mind to dig out candles and glass jars to burn them in, and put one in each room. Then picked up all potential tripping hazards throughout the house. Wind died down Friday afternoon and I swept off the driveway and walkways to make them safer too. "Old me" would've waited for H to do all that. He was pretty impressed I did it. And it was kinda fun having the house all candle-lit. We have gas heat but electric fan to run it - so it was getting pretty chilly in the house. Mostly I snuggled up with the dog in between meetings and tried to stay warm.
Fri. night H got home and it was like "adventure time!" It was kinda fun. We brainstormed ways to cook dinner, stay warm, etc. BBQ'd, had a big fire, snuggled on the couch. H has this inverter power setup on his truck, so he ran the truck as a "generator" and we even watched a movie on my laptop. Wine, candles, movie, fire.. it was really nice, actually.
Sat. AM it was SOOOO cold in the house!! We bundled up and I boiled some water to make coffee and tea... I know, silly little thing, but it was kinda fun. Every little thing we'd go to do we'd kinda roll our eyes at each other and go "Ohh yeah SOUNDS easy..." Oh and this is important later, the dog was whining non-stop.
H ended up selling one of his cars Sat. AM (a good thing), and I left to go find us dry ice for the freezer and propane for the BBQ. It turned out to be quite the adventure as everyone else did the same thing, so I did a lot of running around. In between I logged on here from Starbucks - I was the popular girl there!! Only person w/Internet access and everyone there had no power so they kept asking me to email people, look up power outages, etc. That's when I posted here, but didn't say a lot as I literally had a line of people behind me wanting to use my internet access .
While I was out he called and had found a broken generator and fixed it. He was SOO proud to be the one house on the street with heat, a running fridge, and TV (the things he hooked up). Oh.. and he hooked up my fish tank, too. I was upset in the morning because with no power and no filter the fish were looking REALLY bad. I did a water change and a manual aerator for awhile but it didn't help much. I thought it was very sweet he hooked up the filter. And the fish looked great!!
The dog kept staring at the thermostat, and stopped whining when the warm air started coming out of the vents. Goofball!
Sat night we went to the "Walking with Dinosaurs" show - originally planned to go with my friend, and then H and Mom also wanted to go, so we all went. It was very cool!!! When we got home, the power was back on. Poor H was so bummed. We ended up going out dancing after that (more on that later)... and when we got home, turned all the lights off, lit the fire and candles, and pretended the power was still out. That was kinda fun.
Ack.. gotta run as I have a "shadow" again... but will post more soon.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
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