Help, it seems my 35 year old wife is in MLC #11

[missmyfriend]

Punk/PH, I think that is what is important about reviewing materials. Most of the time, the authors have used statistics either from another source or their own findings.

[Imageer]

Journalling.

I'm noticing an interesting pattern. When OW is around W is very quick to have my leave (OW hides from me. I wonder if they think that I don't know she's there) However, when OW is not there W is very chatty most of the time. I don't know if that means anything. The other constant is that from almost day one she has acted very happy when I'm around. She is cheery on the phone and very pleasant when I see her. She even often waves frantically when I leave. What strikes me as odd is this does nto seem to be the actions of a person who is misserable in their marriage and has to leave.

[Punktmann]

Imageer. That IS odd. Good odd. Besides the obvious, it also seems that the OW's presence is stifling in some way. That sounds like a bad sign for whatever sort of R they have between them.

[Imageer]

Hey Punk,

What do you mean by stifling? I see it more as W doesn't want me to be aroung while OW is there. You should see W squirm when S8 mentions OW around W. There has been a couple of times while I was picking up the kids and OW is hiding that S8 will should out "Bye Sue!" W doesn handle that well. (OW doesn't answer either) W has even lied to cover up for OW. There was a day a while ago that football was on the TV when I picked up the kids. I said to W "Your watching football?!?!" Ws answer was "S8 really likes it". When I got in the car I said to S8 "So you like football do you", he says "I hate football, Sue (OW)really likes football"

[Punktmann]

Imageer, I was thinking that her natural state of interaction is what you see when the OW is NOT around. (I'm mentally comparing this to the differences in how we interact with our (assuming normal R,) spouse in front of say, co-workers or in-laws.)

If she doesn't want to interact that way when OW is around, that could mean that she is walking on eggshells with OW due to OW's perceptions. I was also thinking that can't be good for their R, it is just pressure.

Also, who knows what other pressures she might be feeling about her behavior from OW.

That's why I thought it was a good sign in that regard too.

You should see W squirm when S8 mentions OW around W. There has been a couple of times while I was picking up the kids and OW is hiding that S8 will should out "Bye Sue!" W doesn handle that well.

Guilt, embarrasment?

I'm not trying to give you false hope or raise your expectations, but I was thinking of this in terms of indifference being the dangerous sign for us. Either she cares what you think, guilt or embarrasment, baby step, but good, or she is afraid of what OW thinks about how she acts towards you, (that can't be good for their R long term,)also a baby step, but still good.


BTW, venting for you here, but OW sounds pretty chicken doo-doo about this whole thing. Maybe it's just as well, it might just cause tension if she wasn't. Maybe I just don't like the whole OP idea.

Best,

[Imageer]

I see where your coming from .You might be right, I don't really know. Either way, I see their R as doomed. A real R is not an R that is kept secret. I real R is brought to family functions for example If this was a real R where was OW at Ws grandmothers funeral? This is an A.

Here is another odd thing, OW lives has a place of her own but she lives with W most of the time as far as I can tell. I believe this is so that OW can drive W and the kids around. However, there is nothing of OWs stuff at Ws house. W has shown me around a couple of times and I didn't see anything that I didn't recognise.

[Imageer]

BTW, I agree about the chicken doo doo, but I'm glad of that. That alternative can't lead anywhere good.

Besides, W hasn't even admitted to me that she is in an R. She tries very very hard to keep that from me. Although, she does a bad job of it.

[Punktmann]

Imageer,

I see their R as doomed. A real R is not an R that is kept secret. I real R is brought to family functions for example If this was a real R where was OW at Ws grandmothers funeral? This is an A.

I agree with you on this very much. If it has to kept under wraps to live, it can't live very long.

Here is another odd thing, OW lives has a place of her own but she lives with W most of the time as far as I can tell. I believe this is so that OW can drive W and the kids around.

I didn't know that about her own place. Just my humble opinion, but that seems to indicate to me that OW still sees this as temporary. I like that. Also, I still like the fact that OW has the pressure of the commute for your W. That just can't be good for an R that the OW is not comitted enough to try to move in together with.



That alternative can't lead anywhere good.

You're right about that, I have trouble keeping my tongue in check about the OM just with my W. Added stress is NOT to be desired. I just don't like the OP thing, and I can't respect that, much less hiding it or them, although I realize that it's much less confrontational. Less confrontational is good.

Besides, W hasn't even admitted to me that she is in an R. She tries very very hard to keep that from me.

Why do you think she tries so hard to hide it? Esp when things happen like your son calling out "goodbye Sue."

That's interesting.

We had 3 days of 40-50 degree weather here, and it made a real mess of the snow, but winter is back now, and it is COLD. Esp in the spare room where I live. At least the mud will solidify.

[missmyfriend]

Imageer, I agree with Punk in his assessment. I think you feel it too. It is a very "immature" relationship and they act like kids doing something wrong and they are afraid to get caught. I hope it stays that way until your W wakes up and realizes the mistake she has made and it is time to "put away childish things".

[Imageer]

I agree.

I think the reason that W tries hard to hide it is that she doesn't believe it is right herself or she is embarrased of her own choices. When she had the one time thing 2 years ago, she was very worried that people would find out that she had a lesbian A. It would surprise me if this conflict within herself is at the root of her attacks.

OW was hiding again when I got there today and thus W rushed me out the door again.