The New Adventures of Supermom...Part 3

[JennyF]

Thanks guys for checking in on me.

Truth is I've been pre-occupied for a few days by a fussy baby. Nothing too unbearable, he's just been gassy and doesn't want to be put down. I've been reading a lot, just not able to respond as one handed typing takes too long!
I've been keeping up on both your threads (bear & blindsided)

The truth is, I've also become a bit of computer addict! Before I know it I've spent hours in the morning and the evening once D is in bed. So in order to GAL, I'm going to have to curb my computer time a bit!

Nothing really has changed in the last fews days. H was really quiet and cold the day after our 'discussion'.
He sent a nice e-mail yesterday just updating on D's day and asking a day care question. When I say nice...I mostly mean not nasty as opposed to anything remotely close to warm or anything loving.

I think right now what I am having the hardest time with is the fact that my H seems to be gone. I mean the guy I knew is completely MIA. We are like odd aquaintances when we're in the same room. If we touch (even when passing the baby back and forth) it's almost like an apology is needed. Smiles we share are only with regards to the kids and even those seem uncomfortable. He is completley oblivious to these changes in himself. Is it that he is this way ONLY with me? Perhaps, but all of our friends say he is not the same guy as well. They too find it uncomfortable around him.
All of the other people on this site seem to have comminication with their WAS's where they still feel or see that H & W connections. Sometimes people only get a glimpse of it and it may not be often...but it's there. But me...nothing. He's completely emotionally detached, almost as if we weren't together for the last 9 years! The connections were still there during the first 5 weeks or so after the bomb...then he just got further and further away. How does this happen?
Does this mean my odds are worse than anyone else?? Although I must say that it does follow the MLC script and the 'tunnel' analogy.

I have an often unhealthy way of putting a positive spin on this...maybe the fact that he is this far into the tunnel is a good thing. Perhaps he's just moving it along faster and this means he'll get through the other side faster.
I have allowed this distancing to happen by not talking about the R at all and DB'ing my butt off. So hopefully this is a good thing. But it gets hard to stay positive and hopeful when we feel like strangers.

I've been reading the thread "advice from those in piecing" and from all that those wise and succesful people had to say...this could be true. That it wasn't until they truly detached and GAL that their S started to rethink things.

As time goes on I'm getting more comfortable with this. I've accepted it's going to be a long process so the easier it is to detach the better.

My greatest concern right now is the children and our custody/scheduling concerns. I go to visit my lawyer on Thursday and I will be hitting the book store tomorrow pick up some books on how to best handle this with the children.
It is weighing heavily on me and I need to ensure that I make the right choices.
Speaking of this...I would like some feedback if possible. I'm thinking about sending the below e-mail. I will give it the 48 hr rule.
Please note...this is NOT a DB tactic. It is for the good of the decisions we are making with regards to the kids...but I do not want it to hamper my DBing either.

Dear H,
I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching since our conversation regarding time with the kids the other day.
It is weighing heavily on me and I am very concerned about it.
NOTHING is more important to me than making sure we make the decisions that are best for them.
I feel VERY strongly about my opinions regarding the consistency in their schedules and being in one place through the week.
I have not done this before and mostly speak from my own experiences growing up with divorced parent's.
Having said that, I do hear what you are saying too and I do not want to negate your feelings or opinions.
Please know, I am not trying to make things difficult nor and am I trying to get back at you for anything. S & D are the most important and precious things in my life and I would never use them that way, ever.
I am going to spend some time doing some research and thought we could get together again to talk about it.
J

Any thoughts would be helpful.
Thanks!
J~