Confusion of a WAW (Thread 5)

[bhopeful]

I wasn't saying that you shouldn't help her when she comes to you. Just that you shouldn't initiate. She may perceive it as you not thinking that she can take care of herself. It just seems like you both might benefit from some detachment. Try it for a bit and if it doesn't work then go back to what you've been doing.

It's tough when she keeps coming to me to talk, or because she needs something - Brushing her off, or turning my back, has the potential to push her away.

Brushing her off or turning your back is definitely the wrong approach. I think that maybe you should try limiting you making the initial contact. You'll still have plenty of contact with her because of your D. I'm thinking of times like the other day when you were by her office and asked her to lunch. She accepted, but didn't really seem into it. Back off from those types of things for a bit and you might see the other times that you are with her become more positive.

Again, this is just something to try. If it doesn't work, then go back to what you were doing since it doesn't seem to make your situation any worse. It seems like you are doing more of the same lately and are getting the same results which aren't always positive. That's just my take on things though.

Also, I think that you really need to weigh the risk versus reward of living with your W if she's not ready. It has the potential to be a huge backslide, but on the flip side it could be the breakthrough that you need. I think that you're the only one that can make that assessment. Definitely put some careful thought into it.