I'm still not convinced that you should move in with her. I know that she says that it's alright, but she sounds like she's scared about it at the same time.
It's confusing - I can see the 'scared' part of the argument, but tonight when we had dinner, she was talking about changing some scheduling when I was there and stuff like that. I don't know if she is planning it, or just thinking a head. I know she is very concerned that it might mean 'more than it does' to me.
Originally Posted By: bhopeful
It sounds to me like she wants time and space to be able to figure herself out. You help her out with a lot of things and I think that you need to let her have some independence.
Absolutely - She is having a very tough time right now, and I know that she needs the freedom to figure it all out. It's tough to say "No, I can't help you" when she comes to me with a problem, or when she is in a situation where we've become accustomed to me taking care of it - Going out to dinner, going to the store, or whatever. I certainly don't do everything for her, and I don't push her on things, but throughout our marriage she always felt 'alone' when it came to dealing with things that were out of her control. Maybe it's not the best 180, but she does seem to appreciate it at times.
Originally Posted By: bhopeful
Also, you should try really hard to stick to your schedule with D. Stop offering to help her out by taking care of D all the time. If she really needs help with her then your W will ask you. Make yourself available when she needs it, but let her come to you. I think that you've been putting too much pressure on your W lately. It's time to back off a bit. Focus on yourself and addressing the issues that your W brought up. Show her that the changes you have made are permanent. This will take time so you need to be consistent.
It has been a mess this week with D being sick - W is taking off tomorrow and watching D (she has D tonight), but I've had D the last couple of days since I've been able to get the time off work. W has made comments about how she needs a routine and that D being sick stresses her out. Both W and I are big on consistency and schedules, so I think we've both been finding it tough over the last few weeks.
I agree that I need to back off - I've been limiting contact, however W has been pretty consistent in initiating it this week. It's tough when she keeps coming to me to talk, or because she needs something - Brushing her off, or turning my back, has the potential to push her away.
