OK, your C is a very good choice. She's helped you with this before, hasn't she? So she'll know where you're coming from and what it's been like so far.
In my experience, showing any pro-marriage material to my ex-wife just made her more and more angry. I don't recall hearing about anyone who was able to reason with a WA during an affair. After the affair dies out, some WAs seem to come to their senses, but while they're high on the infatuation buzz, most don't seem to accept any other viewpoints very well.
So if you keep taking care of yourself and your daughter as best as you can, you'll get through this very difficult time. It's very easy to lose focus on what's really important.
More prayers headed Oz way.
Thanks,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Getting objective opinions is good. Beware the tendency of people to start taking your side, though, if you are still unsure that you want to do this. It's in Divorce Remedy. People want to see the pain stop and they believe that advising someone to divorce and do so as quickly as possible will help to end the pain.
Sometimes the best thing a friend can do is simply to be there.
Ab work.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
I think I 'settled' for h. I think I thought I wasn't worth better, so I put up with poor behaviour from him and didn't call him on it. In effect, I guess I made my own bed when I didn't stand up for myself and therefore he had no idea of what was respectful of me and my boundaries cos I was too chicken to say what I wanted from him. Because I had not grown up on my own (got together quite young) and followed him in so many things I never worked out what I actually wanted. All I knew I wanted was to be with him and to be financially secure.
So you can still work on the financially secure part without him. It's a good way to find a focus besides the relationship, or the absence for now of a romantic relationship. It'll bring you objective benefits in that you'll be able to provide for yourself and your daughter. It'll bring you emotional benefits, in increased self-confidence and in the reduction of any lingering anxiety about finances. And down the road it might bring you relationship benefits, because seeking financial security through a relationship with some new man won't be on your "to do" list; you'll have your finances in order and you'll be able to concentrate on something more substantial when you consider guys in any future relationships
What steps can you take to solidify your financial security? Improve your education? Move to a new post? Begin a new savings or investing strategy? Learn more about financial matters from books you can borrow at a library, or from any classes or workshops for single parents?
Take your time for yourself. Maybe you still won't end up divorced, but putting your focus on you will be good either way.
Thanks,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Hi Casey It would be a challenge for me to successfully teach you over the internet how to surf. The best instruction is the best surfer is the one who has the most fun and I live that one.
Anyway as any sport it takes some work a few failures at the start. Since you are into martial arts you balance is probably pretty good.
Surf shops, lifeguards are probably a good place to start to find the beaches with good waves. Beach topgraphy or how the beach is formed is very important for formation of waves which is a science of it's own.
We simplify wave height from flat, knee high, waist high, chest high, and head high. To start waist high is best for an adult. A child can do knee high.
Beginners do better on longer boards (2.8 - 3.5) meters though kids due to their size can get by a on a short board (2 meters). I have a board that an aircraft could land on which shows my skill.
I have heard of foam and rubberized type boards that are less expensive and easy to surf on I will check up on them on manufacture if you wish.
Remember the best surfer is the one who has the most fun.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Aren't you the one who is more financially secure than him?
You just need to work out where you can save a bit more money. And if your proceeding with divorce get all the child support stuff sorted out too.
are you sure you want a divorce? everything you're saying seems to be pointing that way, but just wondering if you've made a firm decision.
how did you go with the counsellor on the letter about dividing personal effects? did she say it was good and to give it to him?
lots of hugs, bossy boots.
Yep, I do want a divorce. Time to live in hope, not fear and confusion.
Didn't get to the letter with the counsellor. Got my knuckles rapped for the 'parenting plan' that I tried on the weekend that my C said was 'really prescriptive' and probably no wonder that he burred up about it.
She just told me that ok...you know him better than anyone. What ways have worked in the past when you have wanted him to do something that he didn't want to do?
I thought and thought and thought....and said...
"I can't really think of anything"
I think the only time he's done something that I wanted but he didn't want to do was when I just didn't rely on him at all and went ahead and made my own plans (after telling him what I was going to do). Not that I did that very often.
So I sorta know what I have to do. Make my own plans and be prepared to be more than flexible and be calm when he changes plans.
