Recently Married into a sexless marriage

[thotitwudbdifrnt]

nwlywed,

depending on what you are trying to do, i would rethink this letter. if you want her to leave immediately, this is a great letter to make her do that. i would leave so fast your eyebrows would be on fire. 'expect' is a harsh word in this case and sounds like 'i demand that you....'. (i demand that you have sex with me 2-3 times a week and i demand that you give me oral sex 1-2 a month....) 'i would like' is better. but anyway, the list is overwhelming. she can't change all of that at one time. how about asking for one or two things like 'i would like it if you weren't condescending or sarcastic with me,' and take it from there?

what you gave was a huge recipe of how you expect to be treated. nobody can deal with that many ingredients. and do you really want sex to be like that? it sounds like you are saying ' if you don't do every single thing on this list, i am gone!' no one can do that whole list. if she gave you a list like that, you couldn't do it either. but if she said, ' honey, could you hold me for a few minutes when i come home?' well, yeah you can do that!

i counted 32 expectations, not including which ones had multiple parts. that is overwhelming. and you write it like she is going to get your list and say, 'oh, great. a list. let's see, today it's the 15th so i have to have oral sex with H.' and you want to be able to grope her at any time and you want her to grope you even when she doesn't want you?

bottom line: the list is overwhelming. you couldn't do all those things yourself. if you want all those things then tell her you are going to make some changes in yourself and here they are: i will not reply to you in a sarcastic tone bc i know that hurts, i will be kind to you and work with you toward a goal we can reach together, i will not lose my temper with you and say mean things, etc. and from your change, when you are making them happen, ask her to treat you with the same respect you are now giving her. but don't try to force her into doing anything. no one likes to be forced, not even you.

that is, if you want her to stay. if you want her to leave, send the letter just as you wrote it. that is the absolute best way to force her out.