I know we are all anti divorce I know I am, but does anyone ever at times feel like divorce would be a welcome relief? My H told me at the very begining of our ordeal that he wanted a D and the sooner the better because he did not want to be pressured into R talks. I could not understand and thought he was just being a jerk. I now get what he means. I obviously don't feel the pressure of R talks because we no longer have those, but what I feel now is the pressure of the roller coaster ride. I have the strain of having a good day with him only to think that more will follow and then bam he turns into a prick again. I get so many mixed signals that I don't know weather I am coming or going and as soon as I start feeling ok about our situation or like we are making progress-pow-a quick jab to the stomach. I now find myself very gaurded wondering what H is going to walk through the door (the nice one or the mean one). I get really nervous when he hangs around because I start wondering that things might be going ok, but then the house won't be clean enough, or dinner won't be good enough or any little thing will set him off and things will go back to him wanting to leave again. H was over tonight and I cooked for son and H ate as well. His hamburger was not done all the way and he seemed OK with it, but then I felt like maybe he would start thinking like "this is one of the reasons I left" or OW is a much better cook. I have turned into an insecure mess. I don't want a D, but man I want to stop feeling like this. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
