Starting to get it.... my 3rd thread

[ann25]

I do still have the book and I'll reread those when i get the chance. Thanks.

I think at this point, i'm really beyond the point of asking him for anything though because I don't think he'll be able to give me what i want until he is ready to deal with some of his issues. I hope that by him seeing me working on myself and my issues, that he'll look at himself and say, am i really happy this way?

I don't know... I'm not sure how much more loving i can be/will be. Maybe loving is not the right word there. I try to be very loving towards him. I just won't take whatever he dishes anymore. I had to make a decision, a personal boundry. I will not be made to feel guilty or less than worthy or like i don't deserve to be happy in my M. I can put up with a lot, but I have to stand up for myself because not standing up for myself is what got me to the point of ILYBNILWY. When i said that, i was on the verge of being a WAW, i had looked at apartments, looked for a part time job... it was bad.

I was hurting and it seemed like no matter how i said it, he just didn't get it. I told him how i felt, so hopefully he would realize what he was doing to me and he said he wanted out. The one person that i should have been able to turn to and lean on was the one causing the pain. If i let that go on now, where will we be in a year or less... will i walk away, will he want out? It's a lot easier to put up with that when you feel "in love" than when you don't.

I may be totally misunderstanding what you said, if so, i'm sorry. I knida went off on a random tangent anyways, though, so... oh well!

Anyways - this standing up for myself is what has me being able to be positive. I'm taking responsibility for my actions and trying to get it through my thick head that i can't make him do anything. I might not be DBing really well, but i'm as happy and sure of myself as i have been in a long while and i'm seeing the new positives in this M. That has to count for something.