I've been reading this board off and on for several months. At first, it was a nightly visit, but after a while, I decided it was time to do something, so I GOT A LIFE. I got a job, lost 45 pounds, made new friends, and worked on the house doing projects that H could never get around to doing. And I stopped coming here because I had no time!
But now I did something REALLY stupid. I totally blew it. And I am lost as to what to do.
Brief history. Married nine years, no kids together. (We are WAY past the age of having more children!) I spent 6 of those years ill, with one major health crisis after another. And being tired of being sick all the time, I became cranky, demanding and he waited on me hand and foot. (Quite the enabler that he is... honestly). For our own reasons, we each became angry. I was angry at my situation, and the toll it took on everyone. He became angry because I seemed un-appreciative, selfish and hedonistic.
Neither of us could change the fact that I was sick, but then again, we never talked about the effect is was having on us. And we certainly never talked about our feelings! Last May was our breaking point, and he moved out.
Since then, there has been very little communication. We talk by e-mail when HE feels like it. Oh, and we communicate through lawyers. I have seen him only once.
Now that it is D-Day, he has begun to soften a little. Making small talk in the e-mails, rather than just sending nasty notes, or discussing the property settlement. Offering to delay the divorce until a few wrinkles get cleared up in my life. That sort of thing.
And I was doing great. As I said, I had gotten a life, a good life, except that he wasn't in it. I went dark when I had to. I haven't had to see a doctor in six months. That sort of thing. And what do I do????
I sent him an e-mail, basically begging him to reconsider everything. The kind of e-mail that would probably send ANYONE running! I know a few things. I know he still loves me. I know he has issues to deal with, mostly trust. And I blew it.
Now what do I do? Stay silent for awhile? Just accept the final papers when they come in the mail? I am sick about this. I really am.
