Hi Amy. I stop by to read and catch up with you. I just wanted to give you a big hug; it's pretty awesome to watch Him work with someone. I love the way you are willing to put it all out there -- the good and the bad.
I just had an amazing OHMYGODTHATWILLPREACH moment!
It just rolled right off my fingertips without even thinking as I posted to someone in the MLC forum and then WHAM! it jumped off my screen and hit ME right between the freakin' eyes:
Quote:
If you can't speak to him in truth AND love, just shut it because it's not going to do either of you any good when you speak from that spirit of offense that's attached itself to you.
OK Amy I have to finally ask you this because I really want to understand you better. On many occasions you've posted about how you had to leave after you and your husband had extremely positive interactions. This usually was at what appears a time when you both were greatly enjoying each other's company. Maybe like the tractor ride recently?
So why is it each of these times you had to leave? At what point do you as Frank so wonderfully put it, show love?
Sorry I've danced around this in posts to you before but never just called you out. Why can't you let one of these times move ahead a little further with a little love? I'm not saying hop in the bed together but allow affection between you. Maybe one of you sleeps on the sofa that night or something. But at some point if you two, and this goes for all of us, have to just let love in and take the next big step in showing love.
Yes I know you want to be strong, you want to not look like you are weak and needy but let's face it deep down every one of us, even in solid loving and strong relationships is a bit needy and vulnerable.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
I "leave" because I do not live there anymore and there has only been one occasion in which he asked me to stay. The night of the tractor ride last month. That night I declined because D12 was already having an attitude issue and she also had a friend over for the night. Under those conditions, I felt I was doing the best thing at that time. If it were to happen again, I might choose differently. I might not, though.
It is funny you ask me this because I was asking myself the very same thing on the way home from work tonight. Again though, he has only asked me to stay one time so I don't know why you refer to "each time". Each other time was simply the end of our night and since I don't live there, I'm supposed to come back to my own "home".
Well Amy I had to finally ask because it seems like each time could very well be opportunity lost. BUT, I understand what you are saying about how you don't live there any more and he didn't extend and invitation. Maybe he didn't know how to extend it or even understand the importance the moment was presenting him. (Remember he's a guy and all to often we're a little thick.) Maybe at some point one of you will cross the barrier and take the risk.
Thanks for answering and keep mulling that question and this one. Why didn't you look for a way to take the first step? How could you take the first step if the situation arises again?
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Hey Amy!! OY-VAY!!! I feel like we are going round in circles and I don't know why. What are we missing? I am going to ponder that one for a while and maybe it will come to me.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
You see how similar our lives have been? Jeff and I are different in a lot of ways, but we both went through the same thing of hurting the ones we loved because we were overcome by our own pain and managed poorly. Then we were forced to pull every ounce of strength we had while we were still down to 'stand' for our wives. After that we were still empty and still lost, still hurt but now we had more hurt to deal with.
The difference is Jeff has Amy.
I have me, and a wife who loves me but can't help me, and is choosing to save herself. I accept that, she's the one I chose because of her kind and gentle soul. That comes with a lot of responsibility and I failed. a man should not need a wife to have to do the things that Jeff and I ask of them but some of us are so damaged at some point that we NEED them to help us. I just chose the one who couldn't and festered inside wondering why.
You can help Jeff. Just be present, that's all. He's alone and he's hurting. Just be present. Be in his presence as much as possible in a loving way. You keep being afraid to insert yourself into his life, like you have to wait to 'be invited'.
Your his WIFE for gods sake, you don't need an invitation to love him. Get your a-ss over there with a plan to just be 'love'. NO matter what.
Save him Amy, one of us has to win and I am so spent It's going to be all I can do to save myself during this storm. Do it Amy. This is the reason we met. Kindred spirits learn from each others mistakes and successes. I guess I've held this back from you but I don't care any more. You are in the same position my wife is in. I'm TELLING you what I NEED from her and letting you know it's what JEFF needs from YOU.
I NEED to FEEL loved a LOT to help neutralize the hurt and pain and mistrust and everything. I need to feel like I'm the most important person in her life even when I'm being the 'prickly pear'. My wife can't do that, she just can't.
If he can't accept love from you then he's a lost soul and there's nothing you or anyone can do to change that.
Damn you Amy I'm going to make you fix this if it's the last thing I do. Don't you give up on Jeff, it's not too late.
